


i want all that is not mine

by littlelooneyluna



Category: robron
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, In love with my best friend’s boyfriend trope, M/M, Slow Burn, might just kill you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-10-29 15:26:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 33,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17810582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: Aaron goes from warning his best friend about his weasel of a boyfriend to falling in love with him





	1. You’re trouble

**Author's Note:**

> A new multi chapter fic of mine which is basically nearly done. It shouldn’t be more than a few chapters but enjoy. I’ve wanted to write this for ages so I hope you like it.

 

 

 

 

 

“The thing is ... well, basically it’s not working. And I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let this go on for so long but ... we can still ... I don’t know.” He blinks and then carries on. “You okay?” He’s asking, like Alex has just stubbed his toe and not been dumped.

His face is all bright red and blotchy and it travels down to his neck and makes Aaron frown at him until he eventually does him a favour and nods. Well he barely does, just moves his head up and down and then peels himself up away from the sofa.

“So that’s ... you’re ... we’re done?”

Aaron is almost stunned, he thought he made that clear, didn’t he make that clear? Anyway, he nods, just to be certain and then he stands as he watches Alex put on his brown long dangly scarf. It’s always pissed him off.

“No hard feelings?” Aaron coaxes out, only it’s obviously not the best thing to say because Alex is suddenly frowning at him.

“No hard feelings?” He says loudly, a little too loudly, enough to get Aaron frowning back at him and nodding his head. But apparently he’s a stupid twat who shouldn’t go around hurting people because he’s confused.

“I’m not confused about anything.” Aaron says quickly, bloody offended because he’s trying to be decent here. Alex scoffs.

“You made me think we had a —“

Aaron closes his eyes around what the next word he’s about to say will be, he absolutely can’t even hear it. A future. A fucking —

Alex was the doctor who treated his sister once, slipped his number to Aaron and then Aaron slipped himself into bed with him and now it’s been a few weeks.

And it’s done.

“You know what, fine. Have a nice life.” Alex is saying, basically stomping towards the front door and Aaron waits for the rattling to stop until he sticks a pizza in the oven and slumps on the sofa.

 

—

 

Aaron’s watching Match Of The Day when he hears the sound of the lock turning and he sees Jamie come in with a big boy-ish grin. He looks proper happy, really happy and it halts something in Aaron’s chest as he nods up at him.

“Hey.” Jamie’s still smiling as he sits on the armchair and clears his throat, he scratches at his head awkwardly like he’s preparing himself for something or other and Aaron instantly knows what he’s going to go on about.

“You saw Alex then?”

“I did yeah.” Jamie says, and Aaron’s maybe a little quick telling him to leave it alone but Jamie doesn’t get to try and intervene here.

They’ve been mates since before he can even remember, before Adam’s stupid laugh came booming into his life. Childhood mates and all that silliness has managed to sum them up, not even both of them liking dicks could ruin that friendship.

Even though Chas tried her hardest to get them together. Multiple times.

“You were only together for a bit.” Jamie plays with his hand, eyes flickering up.

“Exactly.”

“You seemed happy though.”

Aaron tuts at it, stands and goes towards the sink and suddenly the fact that they happen to live together isn’t ideal. Basically Jamie’s amazing, he’s too good of a friend and always has been really and it only ever makes Aaron feel rotten against how closeted he is with his feelings.

But this? It’s pretty straight forward. “Look he looked at me the other night and ... I just knew I had to end it.” All soft and possibly in love.

“Just knew?” Jamie folds his arms, his brown mope of hair hangs and his dangly fringe is nothing but annoying when Aaron stares at him. “Fine.” He waves a hand out. “So you’ll come out with us tonight?”

And when he means us, Aaron’s quite certain who he’s talking about.

Robert.

He doesn’t even have time to think about it too much because Robert just fucking walks right through the door. Leather jacket, burgundy jumper, stupid tin-tin like hair. 

A twat.

A twat who his stupid friend happens to think is the moon and flipping stars.

It sets his teeth on edge, just watching the way his hands fall on Jamie’s shoulders and he leans down and kisses him. He tries out a smile and Aaron only scowls at him because he’s pretty pathetic.

But Jamie doesn’t think so.

Clearly.

Aaron has the pleasure of not being stupidly in to him though, he’s an observer, he gets to watch the sleaze from afar. A perfect distance. 

“Oh and look, Aaron’s here. Hello Aaron.” Robert’s voice is annoying, it’s just another thing that makes Aaron want to throttle him. He doesn’t understand the attraction, he’s good looking yeah but he’s also the most secretive man Aaron has ever met and yet Jamie doesn’t seem to care.

Aaron gives him a curt nod, looks towards the window as they speak and thinks back to when he first met Robert. They were in some gay bar, he was trying to get off with some fit lad and Robert knocked his drink right onto him.

And Jamie had apologised to him, like Aaron had done the wrong thing. So Aaron stood there absolutely fuming, and Robert stood there giving Jamie the eyes.

It’s been two months since then, and the twat is still hanging around like a bad smell and he doesn’t get why. He also doesn’t even get why he cares.

But then again he does, because Jamie’s not like him. He’s sensitive. Robert’s not sensitive. Robert’s clearly a fucking heartbreaker.

“I was asking if Aaron wanted to join us, he uh ... him and that doctor split.” Jamie rubs a hand across Robert’s back like they’re married and Aaron scowls at him, tells him to just forget it but Robert’s already pulling a face.

“It must have hurt when he dumped ya, it’s okay though. Plenty more fish in the —“

“I was doing the dumping actually.”

“Oh really? I just assumed.”

And yeah, he’s a real friendly idiot.

And yet a few hours later they’re in some claustrophobic club necking vodkas and scowling across the room.

Robert’s got his hands on Jamie’s knee, he’s laughing at something over the loud music and Jamie’s kissing his ear and it’s fucking disgusting.

Aaron downs the rest of his pint, feels someone eyeing him up and he goes to stand when he hears Robert say he’s going to get them more drinks. He watches him go towards the bar, just watches him and tries his hardest to figure him out.

Because Aaron’s been called an enigma himself once or twice, he’s usually had it shouted at him by men who’s hearts he’s ‘broken’ or something stupid like that. The sudden realisation is enough to make him pale, is enough to make him realise that maybe he’s not the different to the man.

The man who’s somehow got under his skin.

And he sort of knows why, sort of, it’s because of Jamie. It’s because he’s sensitive, because he’s had his heart stamped on, he’s been used and cheated and it’s left him vulnerable. It’s left Aaron like this mad rabid protective dog maybe. 

It’s what he feels now, scowling across the bright lights and seeing Robert hang by the bar. He sees that he’s talking some woman and he rolls his eyes, upset that it isn’t a bloke.

For a second he feels bad, feels terrible because it’s clear that Jamie’s happy in his stupid bubble but at the same time; he knows Robert’s type. He’s fucked his type and been strong enough not to think anything else would happen between them.

Jamie’s not him though.

He looks down, sips at his pint and then swallows hard as he sees the woman snake a hand up and down his arm. He watches him do fuck all and then he looks at Jamie with wide eyes. 

“Mate look at him.” Aaron stands, and he’s practically pulling Jamie up by his arms. Jamie’s not drunk, but he’s nearly there isn’t he? So he’s all slow with his movements and reactions and of course it gives Robert time to move away.

And he does, he moves and clears his throat and Aaron just shakes his head at him. 

“You’re unbelievable.”

“What?” Robert’s eyes flicker, and Aaron’s been waiting for this moment for what feels like forever. In actuality, it’s been a couple of months at most but so what? He’s getting the change to prove to Jamie that this low life isn’t worth his time. And he’s saying it all, he’s watching Robert’s eyes widen. “Look she was pissed, she didn’t listen when I —“

“Said you were _gay_? You’re telling me she still tried copping a feel then?”

“Aaron he’s not —“

Aaron swipes his head around and stares at Jamie. “He _is_ a liar. You know what people say about him?”

Robert goes to speak but Aaron’s too riled up isn’t he?

“He’s a liar, a cheat, and —“

“Bi.” Jamie rubs his head, he looks suddenly tired and Aaron blinks quickly, just keeps blinking as he hears Paloma Faith’s awful voice screech over them.

He looks at Robert suddenly and then watches the man stalk out of the club.

Jamie keeps holding at his head. “Great, look what you’ve done now.” He shouts, follows out and Aaron stands there, his heart starts beating stupidly fast and he can only blame Robert for it.

For being —

“Shit.” Aaron groans, before he’s moving towards the entrance and seeing that Robert’s shaking his head and looking like he’s reassuring _Jamie_.

“He’s just ... he just doesn’t like me.” Robert whispers. “Don’t worry.” He says and Aaron suddenly feels _bad_. He shouldn’t feel bad, because he knows that maybe he was wrong about that but there is something bad about Robert. He’s not crazy.

“Look I didn’t know —“

“Why would you?” Robert arches an eyebrow and Jamie starts looking for a taxi to hail down. “We’re not mates.”

“I know that.” Aaron scoffs.

Robert’s eyes are beady. “But that doesn’t mean you get to assume things okay?”

“What like you’ll cheat on Jamie?”

“‘Cause I’m bi?” It staggers Aaron a little, seeing this idiot with so much fight in him. He doesn’t know him, not at all really, he knows the twat with the hair wax and the leather jackets and ties. He sees his flash car and the pasta machine he brings around to clutter _his_ flat up. He doesn’t see this. He doesn’t want to see this quite fucking frankly.

Because he’s not here for that. He’s here to prove himself right. 

Aaron shakes his head, jaw clenched. “Because you’re you.”

“You don’t fucking know me.”

“I’ve heard stuff.”

Robert frowns. “So have I. Prison I think I remember hearing.” He says and suddenly Aaron’s closer, his eyes practically piercing Robert’s as he speaks.

“You’ll mess up.” He says slowly. “You’ll hurt him and I’ll be there mate. I promise you that, and I’ll make sure you never hurt him again.”

Robert pulls a face, looks completely undeterred. “Yeah? Knock yourself out then mate.” He says, and he’s so slimy he practically slithers away from Aaron and goes to catch up with Jamie.

Aaron shakes his head, gulps hard around something stuck in his throat. “M’not your mate.” He shouts, like he’s in a playground and Robert’s his arch enemy or something, like they’ve had a fight over Pokemon cards. Just thinking about it makes Aaron angry, Robert’s probably that sort of bloke who does some unfair trade and smirks as you find out. 

Tosser.

Robert turns, hair waving in the evening wind and looking like an idiot. “Oh. Don’t worry. I know.” He says, and Aaron makes sure he doesn’t have to sit in the middle on the way back home.

—

 

He has every right to do this, mug in one hand and fixing an engine with the other and complaining.

Only Adam’s got this annoyingly blank expression on his face and he’s starting to think that he’s missed something out. He goes to speak again and then Adam waves a hand out.

“So you’re _angry_ that Robert isn’t a sleaze?”

And Aaron’s not even sure how he came to such a stupid fucking conclusion. It only sets a hand on his hip and a scowl on his face until Adam’s speaking again.

“Or ... because he didn’t get off with that girl? Being faithful to —“

“He _is_ a sleaze.” Aaron says, and he’s not even sure why no one else but him is really seeing this. Everyone else seems to just skate around his dodgy past and annoying behaviour for the sake of Jamie or whatever. “A total one.”

“But he didn’t do anything.”

“Not then, no.” Aaron half shrugs, awkward as he drops his hand against the engine and twists hard. He’s not even meant to be working, he’s doing extra shifts like some sort of loser because of what he had to see this morning.

Robert fucking his best mate.

With the door open.

He doesn’t even want to dwell on it.

And Adam only finds it hilarious doesn’t he?

“I didn’t know he was bi.” Adam frowns, lost in thought or something like it’s really that interesting. It’s not really.

“Yeah well, at least it’ll make it easier.”

“Eh?”

“To catch him with someone. Lass or lad now.” Aaron shrugs and Adam just scowls at him, shaking his head a little.

“Mate, that’s not your call to make.” He says, he looks perplexed. “Think about what Jamie would say.”

“Hang on.” Aaron definitely manages to chip Debbie’s mug as he throws his weight around. “I _am_ thinking about him, of course I am.” He says.

“By doing what?”

“Making him see that the little weasel he thinks is making him happy is bad news.” Aaron says defiantly, and Adam only laughs.

“Weasel?”

“Piss off.”

 

—

 

They’re not naked when he gets back so that’s clearly a bonus, he half expects to be alone, to actually remember what it’s like to not have someone around him all the time.

He loves Jamie, he’s like family, but he didn’t bank on an annoying idiot being in his personal space too.

He kicks his shoes off by the door and instantly smells something from the kitchen, he doesn’t expect to see Robert standing there so he has to harden his scowl that little more just so they know where they stand.

“Hey, thought I’d let myself in and get started on —“ Robert’s voice cuts short when Aaron comes towards him. “Oh. It’s you.”

“What you doing in my flat?”

“It’s Jamie’s.”

“I pay rent.”

“Well I have sex with him.” Robert shrugs and before Aaron can saying, Jamie comes through the door with a bag of shopping and looks awkwardly between them.

“Ah. You’re back.” Jamie puts his bag down and then gulps. “I wanted a word with you.” He says, and he looks towards Robert.

Whatever shit he’s cooking up stops bubbling as he turns the heat down, takes the hint and slopes off into Jamie’s room.

“Listen, sorry about this morning.” Jamie’s bright red and it’s weird to see him look all frazzled over sex. It’s just weird and Aaron doesn’t know where he’s supposed to put his face.

“Close the door next time, or go round to his.” Aaron stretches a hand over the other and shrugs a little as Jamie sighs. “What?”

“I take it it’s because you still —“

“Think he’s bad news? Yep.” He doesn’t even care if Robert hears him, he’s being brazen about it because he just wants Jamie to realise who he’s with.

They’re clearly opposite, Jamie’s kind and considerate and sensitive and Robert is sly and underhand and he’s sick of being the only one brave enough to say that.

Because everyone else is too busy trying to keep Jamie happy.

“And what’s he done to prove that exactly?” Jamie argues, frown burrowed now. “Apart from try and get on with you.”

“Jamie —“

“And you go and make this big deal out of _nothing_. Him talking to some girl.”

“I didn’t know he was bisexual.”

“It doesn’t change anything Aaron.” Jamie sighs hard and Aaron gets that. He does. It doesn’t even matter but at the same time —

It’s like he can’t seem to stop himself, basically the longer this goes on, the longer Jamie’s got this soft little smile on his face, the worse everything else is going to get.

He knows.

He just fucking knows.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. You’re the worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron faces setbacks on his way back to proving himself right. One leaves him shaken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The feedback for this has been absolutely amazing. Enjoy the next chapter!
> 
> Also notice that I have put up the amount of chapters this is going to be. It’s more than what I thought it would be but hopefully you enjoy it!

 

 

Robert’s sat on his sofa a few days later and Aaron’s sick of seeing his face. It’s bad enough that Jamie’s always talking about him, now he’s actually got to deal with him lounging about the place like it’s _his_ flat.

He looks up as he sees Aaron and then looks down again like he’s completely unfazed. He waits until Aaron’s by the kitchen to speak.

“I take it I won’t be getting an apology then?” Robert says, he stands, and Aaron sees he’s wearing some tight burgundy jumper, it’s probably soft to touch. That’s besides the point. The point is that he wants an apology. 

“For what? Being around here like a bad smell.”

Robert’s eyes glaze over, then they flicker and he frowns. “What’s your problem?”

And Aaron’s sort of stunned into some sort of frozen state because Robert’s not been this direct before. He wants to know why he can’t stand him and he has to give him answers doesn’t he?

Well actually he doesn’t have to do fuck all but —

“You.” He says. 

“And Jamie? Because what?”

Aaron’s eyes are beady. “I know what you’re like.” He says, keeping it all really vague and helpful just to watch Robert’s stupid face change into another expression.

He looks nervous suddenly and Aaron’s remembering that club, that girl who had plenty to share.

Robert had just started sleeping with Jamie and Aaron wasn’t even that bothered because he thought it wouldn’t even last long. Apparently she used to date him, she said her name was Donna, that they’re from the same village and there’s reasons why he doesn’t show his face around there anymore.

And it was more than enough to put Aaron’s nose out of joint. More than enough. 

“Bisexual?” Robert’s voice has a hint of _something_ in it, enough to really get Aaron’s back up, get him wanting to stop talking and apologise. It only makes him hate him that bit more. 

He’s a fucking actor isn’t he? And Jamie falls hook line and sinker for it each bloody time. 

“I couldn’t give a _toss_ about that.” Aaron says quickly, watches Robert hide behind his arms. “Be whoever you want to be but keep Jamie out of it.”

Robert scoffs. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“No. I’m doing right by a mate.” Aaron says. “And I know trouble when I see it.” He leans forward and smirks. “Does the name Donna ring any bells for ya?”

He’s sounding malicious, he can hear that but he can also see Robert’s face change and it so clearly means something. It feels a lot like a victory when Robert’s jaw locks.

“Is that all you’ve got? Some ex something of mine from when I was nothing but a kid?” Robert comes forward, shakes his head as Aaron stares at him, trying to search for something to say back but he almost can’t. He just stares at him. “I’m wetting myself.”

Aaron flinches back. “I’ll tell Jamie, I’m sure he doesn’t know what you’re like.”

“Was like.”

“— some cheat.”

“So you’re just some thug then eh?” Aaron’s breath notifies and he flipping hates him and his audacity. His absolute audacity. “If we’re going off of history.”

“You’ve got some nerve.”

“I’m not the only one.” Robert has a smirk on his face and it doesn’t drop at all. It stays there as he passes Aaron and leaves him just standing there. 

He’s still ridiculously fuming.

 

—

 

He’s genuinely got a headache, a massive Robert shaped headache and Jamie’s not helping matters by sitting here with a scowl on.

“What?”

“Rob said you’d been fighting.”

Rob.

It makes him sound like a ten year old and an old man at the same time. 

He pulls a face against it quite very naturally and Jamie isn’t pleased.

“What? You might as well call him Robbie. Do ya? Do you call that idiot Robbie? Please tell me you don’t.” Aaron’s got the crisp bowl tight to his chest and he doesn’t get how this movie night has been invaded by _him_.

“You’re unbelievable.” And Jamie goes and proper scowls at him, he genuinely looks upset and it’s so rare that he actually is annoyed at Aaron that it gets him sitting up.

“I’m just tryna protect ya.” Aaron explains, or well, he tries to. He’s only fucking trying to be a good person.

It’s just, Jamie could end up hurt in the process. For his own good mind, he just needs to get that doesn’t he?

Jamie rubs a hand across his forehead. “From my own boyfriend?”

It’s instinct that he pulls a face. “You don’t know what he’s like.” Aaron says, turns right towards Jamie. “He’s a user. Some girl he used to see —“

“He told me about this Donna okay? They were kids.” And Aaron’s face falls a little. “Let’s not talk about what you were up to as a kid.”

He suddenly remembers having sex with Holly and trying to enjoy it.

“Alright.”

“You treated girl’s like shit too.”

“Yeah ‘cause I was —“

“Struggling with who you are?” Jamie suddenly turns into Paddy, without the glasses and padded green gilet. He’s all wise and basically telling Aaron to chill out.

“Honest, it’s cute, the bodyguard thing but ...”

Aaron arches an eyebrow and sighs.

“I’ll ease off.” He says and Jamie looks all bloody delighted. “Stop. We’re not going to be friends or anything, so don’t go telling him anymore about me and prison.”

Jamie pulls a face, “He was interested, wanted to know about my grumpy mate.” He says.

“Grumpy?” Aaron yanks his head up. “He said that?”

Jamie scratches his head and then rubs at Aaron’s shoulders lightly. “Maybe it was scowly.”

“Not even a word.” Aaron mumbles. 

“So you’ll ease off?”

He nods.

He’ll ease off.

 

—

 

He said he’d ease off and he actually meant it. He really did.

It’s why he doesn’t scowl when he hears Robert speaking to someone on the phone as he turns his key in the lock. He doesn’t turn back around and take Adam up on that pint he was after.

Instead he just comes right in and then watches Robert standing with his back to him by the window on the phone. He looks like he’s chewing his nails, looks all nervous. It only makes Aaron frown and then he listens in because he just has to.

“No, okay — I want the best. It has to be ... special.” Robert mumbles, and then he stops his swaying and sighs. “I booked this hotel ‘cause I thought you were at least a little competent.”

Aaron’s heart bunches in his chest and then Robert puts the phone down and turns right around to see Aaron’s face. He looks bright red, eyes widening.

“Didn’t think you’d be back this soon.” Robert rubs a hand across his neck, and Aaron just shrugs.

“You seem to forget I live here.” Aaron dumps his keys on the sofa and then gulps hard as Robert looks towards the door and gets out as quick as he can.

Everything inside Aaron says to ignore it, he’s probably just planning something nice for Jamie.

But.

Jamie’s coming through the door less than ten minutes later and he’s banging on about a curry night because Robert’s got a business do. 

And he cannot help himself. 

“I was right.” Aaron whispers, shaking his head and puffing his chest out as Jamie frowns at him. “What did I tell ya? He’s a chancer, he’s a cheat —“

“Who?”

“Robert.” Aaron shouts. “Look mate, I heard him on the phone, arranging some — some hotel thing.”

Jamie gulps hard. “He’s not here, he’s in Leeds.” He says, his voice is so soft suddenly and he looks gutted within seconds. “Aaron, he wouldn’t.” He says, but even he doesn’t believe it anymore.

So Aaron turns into Columbo and tries to work out what hotel he was on about. He realises that the twat probably wanted the best rated one in the area, he goes off of a hunch and drags Jamie along with him in his car.

Only Jamie’s practically inconsolable and he can’t exactly tell him to get a grip can he? He might be a proper heartless bastard at times but Jamie’s just found out that his so called dick of a boyfriend is arranging secret shags with random’s in posh hotels.

“Listen mate, I’ll belt him for ya.” Aaron whispers, holds Jamie by the arm as he looks around the lobby and then climbing up the stairs towards the rooms.

“Don’t be stupid.”

Aaron sighs, leans across and holds Jamie by the shoulders. “You’re well rid.” He smiles, tries to get Jamie smiling too and then it works. He sees Jamie really smiling, it makes him look over his shoulder and —

Robert’s standing there isn’t he?

He turns right around and sees Robert standing there in nothing but boxers with the door wide open. He looks confused and pissed and Aaron for once feels exactly the same is the prat.

“What are you —“ Jamie flaps. “Why are —“

Robert covers his crotch like Aaron hasn’t already had to walk past his naked arse before. He bites at his lip and then sighs. “I was about to ring you, ask you to come down here.”

“For what?” Jamie blinks.

“To look at the nice pond outside, what do you think?” Robert mutters and Jamie suddenly scowls at Aaron and looks like he wants to kill him. “Hang on, why are you here?” 

It doesn’t take him long to connect the dots, Jamie hurries into the room and Aaron follows quickly and shrugs his shoulders when Robert calls him a dick.

“I was only protecting him. I thought you were —“

“Cheating?” Robert looks so angry, his hair’s loose of any wax and his shoulders tighten and Aaron’s not sure what to say until he’s nodding his head.

“Could hardly blame me.”

“You’re _pathetic_.” Robert shouts.

“Hey, calm down.” And Jamie’s all librarian type jumper and broad shoulders and sorry eyes and he’s still trying to back Aaron up. It makes Aaron smirk across at Robert. 

“Jamie, he was wrong.”

“I know he’s an idiot, but he’s just — looking out for me.” And it’s becoming a sort of mantra. Jamie sighs hard, and Robert starts putting his trousers on. “Wait, don’t —“

“I sacked off work for this.” Robert’s already got his shirt back on and he shakes his head as he bumps past Aaron and slams the door shut.

Jamie goes to move and Aaron says he’ll sort it but he ends up being himself. Robert’s getting into his fucking amazing car and he tells him to hang on.

“Sorry I disappointed ya. I’ll try better next time, organise a fancy hotel with some random instead of Jamie.” Robert turns the engine on and Aaron ducks his head into the car.

“I’m —“

“You’re a twat. An obsessive twat who needs to focus on his own sex life. You got that?” Robert says and Aaron is frozen against his words until he feels the window being pushed up and he has to move his hands away quickly.

He kicks the ground as he watches him go.

 

—

 

“So you tried to be a spy and it went to shit?” Adam’s got a can of beer out and he opens it just as Aaron nods his head slowly. “ _Mate_ you’re brilliant.”

Aaron gulps around the sarcasm and then bites hard against his lip. “Jamie’s pissed at me.”

It makes Adam arch an eyebrow. “Well you are actively trying to ruin his relationship.”

And when you put it like that he sounds crazy.

“For his own good.” Aaron bites down on his nail and Adam hisses as he finishes his beer off like he’s been dared to.

“This isn’t ‘cause you feel guilty is it?”

Aaron’s eyes twitch and yeah him and Jamie are like family, but Adam knows him too doesn’t he? Aaron keeps forgetting that. 

“No.” He says, so unconvincingly.

Adam sits up and sighs hard. “Jamie’s stupid ex cheating on him wasn’t down to you mate.”

Aaron closes his eyes and sees Sean. Tall dark and handsome, all that stupid jazz. He thought he was alright so he ignored the signs until him and Jamie were walking in on him fucking some teenager in Jamie’s room.

He remembers the tears, Jamie left absolutely heartbroken.

He remembers flattening the prick’s tyres after he said it was _easy_ to carry on with someone else considering they all thought he was fantastic.

He fucking remembers and maybe it’s not healthy to be so involved in his friend’s break up but it’s what happened and it’s probably why he’s here isn’t it?

“Of course it isn’t.” Aaron rubs his hands together and shrugs. “But I was too wrapped up in my own problems to notice. It was obvious, all the secret texting and everything.”

Adam slaps at Aaron’s knee.

“So now you’re dedicating your life to being his love bodyguard?” Adam scoffs and Aaron shoots his head up and tries not to find the funny side of it. He does feel like he owes Jamie, but he’s not his fucking bodyguard. “Let him make his own mistakes. Rob’s clearly not the bloke you thought he was.”

Only he’s still got the flash car and the great teeth and the floppy hair so *yeah he’s exactly the sort of chancer Aaron knows he is.

He’ll just wait for him to make a mistake.

He’ll just wait.

 

—

 

They’re at some party a few weeks later when he sees Robert again and he’s actually loved the break from him because it’s given Jamie the chance to forgive him for interfering.

He’s promised to leave it alone, to leave them alone and that he means it this time so when they both arrive together he doesn’t even say hi.

He just watches Robert shake some guy’s hand like he’s still at a business meeting and then he’s knocking back a few fruit punch’s and dancing like he’s literally got something stuck _up_ his arse.

He’s all shoulders, shimmying about the place and his stupid leather jacket doesn’t leave his body. He keeps it on and Aaron just sips at his drink and stares at him having a good time.

It makes him roll his eyes after a while and he gets out onto the terrace area. He’s not even sure who’s birthday it is, a friend of a friend of a friend and it’s a Saturday night so he’s here. He looks up towards the night sky and breathes out until he hears someone’s feet and he turns.

Robert looks pissed, rosy cheeks and everything and he extends a hand out.

“What’s this?” Aaron says as he looks down at it.

Robert looks down too like he isn’t sure. “My hand? You can shake it, and we can call a truce.”

Aaron gulps hard around it, and maybe he is a stubborn twat but he doesn’t want to call a truce. He’s fine with things the way they are, him still slyly waiting for Robert to fuck up so Jamie can find someone a lot more like him.

Nice and kind and not —

Robert.

“Thought I was an obsessive twat who needs to focus on his own sex life?”

Robert pulls a face. “Well you are but you’re also Jamie’s best friend.” His hand drops nonetheless. “He seems to see more than a frown and beard.”

Aaron scowls. “Just stay out of my way.” He says. “And I’ll stay clear of yours.” He tries to agree.

Robert blinks quickly. “Sort of hard. There’s a chance I could be round yours, me and Jamie are still together.”

“Well you know what you could do to stop that.” Aaron fronts it out, looks past the small dopey smile on Robert’s face that starts to fall. His stupid smile lines are still visible. “If you cared about him you’d ...”

“Dump him?”

“You’re bound to eventually let’s be honest.” Aaron says, sighs and it feels good to just _say_ it. “Your type always do.”

“My _type_?” Robert unfolds his arms and they hang there like stupid tree trunks as he looks at Aaron. 

“Yeah. Unserious. In it for sex and a nice flat you can slouch around in.” Aaron decides, and as he says it, it’s even more true in his mind.

“I’m not the one who broke up with my boyfriend after a few months just ... because.” Robert hisses and Aaron thinks of Alex. He wants to sigh hard, wants to tell him to piss off but instead Robert’s eyes are beady. “Seems like everything you hate about me is everything you are.”

It makes Aaron’s eyes flicker, he doesn’t want to show that it’s actually hurt, made him think about things more than he wants to but he stays silent for too long and Robert gets the upper hand.

“I’m nothing like ya.” Aaron says. “Better send that _psychology_ degree back mate.”

Robert scoffs. “You’re so much better than me, I forgot.” He says. 

“Yeah.” Aaron nods heavily and then Robert smiles.

“Thing is though, I know your game.” Robert says, his eyes dance about as Aaron looks at him. “What you’re playing at. You want him to yourself don’t ya?”

And it just so happens to be the funniest thing he’s heard in a while. Only instead of laughing, Aaron manages to shove Robert against the wall and hold him there by his leather jacket.

“You think you’re clever eh? Saying that and I’ll push off because I don’t want to be proven right? You know what I do want? You _far_ _away_ from Jamie.” He feels the anger practically race through him as he holds at Robert. The older man just looks down at him, just keeps staring at him and then he scoffs.

“You’re going to have to get over it.” Robert says. “Because I’m not going anywhere.” He says.

“You wanna bet?” Aaron shoves at him harder and a part of him hates himself for being so fucking aggressive but he can’t help himself. Robert just —

“You’ll have to make me mate.” Robert’s breathing all unevenly and Aaron matches it, hard short breaths leaving his mouth which is suddenly really close to Robert’s.

For a second, for just a fucking _second_ , he swears, he closes his eyes, they flicker shut and he leans closer and —

Then he moves back, and suddenly he can’t even look at Robert anymore.

“What’s with all the shouting?” Jamie stumbles out of the party, Adam’s behind him with a bottle of beer and a hand on his head.

Aaron waits, hopes that Robert says something before he needs to himself and he does. He clears his throat and shakes his head.

“He hates me, what’s new?” Robert’s voice is even, he sounds like absolutely nothing has happened.

Absolutely nothing.

“ _Aaron_!” Jamie shouts, he shakes his head and he starts going on about Aaron needing to leave it all alone and Aaron just hangs his head, stays stunned and sorry and —

He legs it as soon as he looks up and sees Robert frown at him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. You’re a liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron tries to keep his distance. Robert lands himself in danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter, it’s where the story sort of steps it up a gear really.

 

 

There’s no one around. Robert stands closer to him on the terrace and then suddenly holds at his waist and smiles.

His eyes flicker and Aaron doesn’t know what’s happening but he doesn’t move away.

He lets Robert dip his head closer to his so that their foreheads touch. Aaron feels alive suddenly. “We shouldn’t.” He whispers.

“But you want to.” Robert asks.

Aaron doesn’t understand how he’s supposed to deny it. He just keeps looking at Robert’s lips. His stupid mouth. “I hate you though.” He says, almost to himself.

Robert nods. “I’ll go.”

Aaron suddenly claps his hand against Robert’s arm and leans up.

The sound of Jamie laughing makes him jump up. He looks around and sees that he’s sitting in his bed with the lights off. He’s alone. 

He steps out into the hallway just slightly for some reason and sees that Jamie is hanging off Robert, completely pissed. He’s trying to unbutton Robert’s shirt and as Aaron looks at Robert, Jamie kisses him hard. It catches Robert off balance completely but he kisses Jamie back.

Of course he does.

Aaron gulps hard and steps back into his room before laying back down on his bed and realising he needs to take a cold shower.

He’ll wait until they’re in bed before he goes out again.

 

—

 

 

“So uh you work in a garage then yeah?”

Aaron’s got Finn’s face in front of his and he can’t exactly tell him to piss off can he? He was the one who asked him to come out with them, finally said that Adam should send his number.

He didn’t want to, in fact Adam’s been acting really weird since the party that night and so Aaron’s just grateful that he passed on the message.

And by grateful he means —

Finn frowns out, waves a hand out and Aaron realises he’s supposed to speaking but he can blame it on the booming club music can’t he? 

It’s better than telling him the truth. “Still a mechanic yeah.” He says, scratches his head a little and then looks back into his pint. He’s half finished it, but he’s trying to hang onto it because he doesn’t want to have to pass him. “Yeah.” He gulps. “You’re still a student?”

Aaron sees Finn nod and then he hears the sound of laughing and he watches Robert dancing to crisscross from the other side of the room. His hands are waving everywhere and Jamie’s laughing at him. He hears him call him an idiot and yeah he is, isn’t he?

“You want to go over there?”

“No.” Aaron cuts through whatever Finn says but he keeps his eyes on Robert the whole time.

“So ...”

“You want to get out of here?” Aaron manages to rip his eyes away from Robert and Finn looks startled.

He frowns a little and then Aaron looks over his shoulder back at Robert again. 

“Do you?”

“I just asked you didn’t I?”

Finn’s neck pulls back a little and he rolls his eyes. “You seem like you’re a lot more interested in what Jamie’s boyfriend’s up to.” 

Aaron’s eyes flicker. “Fine.” He says, charges away and Finn tries running after him, he holds at his arm and asks where he’s going.

“To find someone who’s actually up for a good time!” He shouts, and Robert’s looking up at him when he tries passing through the crowd. “Problem?” He snarls and Robert has the slightest smirk on his face that falls.

He shakes his head and Aaron passes him. He tries not to touch him as he goes.

 

 

—

 

Jamie’s standing right in front of him and talking but Aaron just keeps looking down at his phone.

“So do you think Robert fancies you?” 

Aaron’s eyes suddenly double in size and he looks like he wants to be sick. “You what?” 

Jamie just stands there looking confused. “Finn. He _must_ fancy you right? Saw him following you around the club the other night.”

Aaron gulps hard and shuffles. He heard Robert. Or did he? He needs his ears testing clearly.

“Uh ... nah.” Aaron says, he knows Finn’s fancied him for years. He doesn’t get why either.

“You sleep with him again?”

It happened _once_. Aaron was bladdered and horny and Finn had a normal top on, not one with little boats on it so he jumped into bed with him. Years ago. Once. 

“Ew no.” Aaron says.

“Oh. Robert said you left with someone.”

He noticed then. Aaron’s eyes flicker and then he shrugs. 

“Some guy.”

“Didn’t think it would be a girl.” 

Aaron arches an eyebrow. “Funny.” He says and he tries to press down the redness of his cheeks with a cushion. 

“So you seeing him again?”

He hardly remembers him.

“Didn’t get his number.” And somehow it makes Jamie frown, look gutted for him. “I’m fine.” He snaps. “Prefer to keep it that way rather than end up like you and —“ he pauses at his name momentarily. “Robert.”

Jamie scoffs. “Going steady?”

The phrase makes his toes curl. “Yeah. That.” He says and then he picks his phone up and decides to block out anymore of Jamie’s nonsense.

 

—

 

 

Adam’s a bastard who’s still acting all weird a few days later. He doesn’t put enough milk in his tea and it’s enough to make Aaron feel like he’s done it on purpose.

He’s a passive aggressive idiot when he wants to be. He makes Aaron put his tool down and gulp really hard. 

“Look if this is about Finn ...”

“I didn’t realise you’d upset him that much.”

“He’s sensitive.” Aaron snaps.

“You just left him, went off with some random.” 

Blonde hair, green eyes. All that stupid jazz. He somehow remembers him clearer now.

Aaron shakes his head, has a hand against his hip as Adam scowls at him. “He was being ...”

“Said you were distracted.” Adam’s not even supposed to be here, he’s got his own work to be going on with so he should just piss off shouldn’t he.

“You have someone on your mind?” Adam hasn’t got a teasing voice on, he isn’t winding him up, he doesn’t even seem to be asking a question at all. It’s a statement.

Aaron squints against the sun, fronts it out. “Eh?”

Adam comes closer to him, he puts on this voice as well. “You’ve been dead quiet. Different.”

“So have you.”

“Since that party.”

“What party?”

Adam sighs. “Don’t play dumb.” He says, slightly exasperated.

“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.” Aaron snaps. He picks his tool up again and stares at the engine until Adam gets the hint and goes away.

“By the way, Jamie said to tell you that him and Robert are having a cozy night in.” Aaron immediately tenses. 

“Great.”

“Yeah?” It’s enough, Aaron can’t meet his eyes.

“Yeah.”

 

—

 

He doesn’t think about it.

He meets some other blonde guy again a few nights later, they have sex and then he leaves.

And yet the pit in his stomach remains.

 

—

 

“You okay?” Jamie dares to say it over a curry. Robert’s not in sight, his shoulders almost relaxed and then Jamie started up with this bullshit.

Jamie’s probably spoken to Adam and that gets his throat clogged up doesn’t it.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He reaches for some naan bread, rips it hastily and then starts stabbing in into his plate.Jamie shrugs. “You’ve not been down my throat about binning Robert off.” 

He tenses. “Well like you said, I ain’t your love bodyguard. You make your own mistakes.” He says quickly, he tries to force a smile and Jamie just sighs.

“Well I’m glad. I’m happy, you’re ...” Jamie stops. “You’re good right?”

And he isn’t.

How can he be? He fucking hates Robert Sugden for this. 

“Course.” He lies.

 

—

 

Robert’s coming out of the shower when Aaron comes through the door. He’s got his overalls on and Robert has the audacity to tell him he stinks like he’s invading _his_ space.

Aaron doesn’t even know where he’s supposed to look. He looks down towards the carpet like it’s a book he’s reading and then looks up again. Robert’s got a towel tugging at his waist and nothing else on. 

“This is my flat.” Aaron goes towards the kitchen and then looks over his shoulder. “You keep forgetting.”

He knows that he’s blushing. He fucking hates himself so he sticks his head in the fridge so that it can what? Cool him down.

“How could I?” Robert walks towards the kitchen and then sighs. “You make me _so_ welcome.”

Aaron looks up at him. “It’s because you’re so charming.” He smiles insincerely and then just stares at him for a second. He keeps staring and he realises that he hasn’t been alone with him like this since he was shoving him against a wall.

He suddenly looks away and shakes his head and then the door goes and Jamie comes in.

“Oh hi sexy.”

Aaron wants to be sick. He nearly is.

“What did I do to deserve this?” Jamie’s all over him like a rash and Aaron frowns. 

“Hmm same here.” Aaron grabs a water bottle from the fridge to make a point of why exactly he was even in there in the first place. “I’m going for a waz.” He says as he throws the water bottle into his room and heads to the bathroom.

He can hear Jamie talking about him as he stands there.

“You weren’t annoying him were you?”

“Told ya. Since he lost it at that party I’ve stayed clear.” Robert says. He can hear that much anyway and he doesn’t really know how to feel about it. So Robert thinks that he lost it at the party. 

Lost it.

He flushes the toilet and manages to get into his room before he sees where exactly Jamie’s hands are travelling down towards. 

Thank God.

 

—

 

 

Another week goes by the next time he’s confronted with whatever the fuck is going on with him and this time he can’t exactly ignore it.

Because it happens to be Robert on his sofa when he comes home from work with a few cans in front of him. He hears the last few seconds of a phone call he’s clearly been having with someone and then he hears the sound of sniffling and he doesn’t know where to put his face.

He’s almost grateful when Robert looks up and spots him. He instantly wipes at his eyes and sighs.

“What’s with the sniffling?” It’s the first thing he’s said to him for ages now, they haven’t been alone for more than a few minutes since that stupid party on that stupid terrace.

“‘M not sniffling.” Robert denies it, he pulls his sleeves up and clears his throat and Aaron stays exactly where he is. He doesn’t want to go an inch closer.

Aaron folds his arms over. “It must come so easy to you, lying.” He literally doesn’t know how to stop.

Robert runs a hand across his hair, it’s lacking gel, it’s sticking up in a load of different places.

“It wasn’t my secret girlfriend so you don’t need to worry. Or boyfriend.” Aaron scowls. 

“It was someone though.”

“It was my sister if you must know.”

Aaron’s eyes flicker. “Didn’t know you had one.”

“Why would you?” Robert scoffs, he looks down at his phone and then turns it in his hands until Aaron folds his arms over again. “My brother’s getting married.”

“Buzzing.” 

“He doesn’t want me there.” Robert snipes, he turns his head a little and Aaron has his hoodie pulled up closer towards his shoulders. “He happens to hate me even more than you do.” His voice sounds scratchy, Aaron’s never seen him like this before.

It’s unnerving.

He can’t look away. 

“Why?”

Robert rolls his eyes and then he looks really small suddenly. “I ruined his last one, I slept with his girlfriend the night before they got married. Final nail in that coffin of trying to ruin him.”

Aaron’s mouth gapes a little.

“So I _am_ that liar, that cheat. Well done. You’re right.” Robert says, looks right up at Aaron and his eyes are red and raw.

“You slept with —“

“Yeah.” Robert says. “They’ve clearly sorted it out but ... but they don’t want me there. I don’t even know why I care.” He says.

Aaron tries to process it, there’s something building in his mind and he should be happy. He’s finally got something on him.

“That sounds more like you.” He says, lame, annoying. He sounds like a stupid idiot and Robert sighs.

“You know what I’m like. Your reward’s in the post.” Robert says, underhand, shaking his head a little and Aaron looks away until Robert sobers and he looks serious. “You can’t tell Jamie.” 

Aaron blinks. “I have to.” He says. 

“He’ll — he’ll hate me.” He sounds fucking petrified. He really is an amazing actor, Aaron nearly fell for it. “You do but that’s — Jamie’s —“

“He doesn’t deserve to be lied to. He’s been through stuff.”

Robert frowns, the edge of something in his voice. “Cheated on?” 

Aaron doesn’t know what to say, how to even begin, he feels like he’s betraying Jamie just as he nods.

It’s not the first time he’s felt like he’s betraying Jamie recently.

Robert slaps his forehead lightly. “Fuck.” He says. “You can’t —“

“You don’t tell me what to do.”

“I bet you’re loving this.”

And no, no, strangely enough he isn’t loving this at all.

Robert looks human. He looks tethered and frail.

“Pretty satisfying yeah.” Aaron lies and Robert gets up suddenly, he trips on thin air and gets to the fridge, taking out a few more cans. “Oi hang on, they’re mine.” He snaps, tries following Robert towards the door.

He reaches for his arm and then he’s back at that stupid party and he can’t think of anything else at all.

Robert looks down at the hand on his arm and then he pushes Aaron away and slams the door shut. 

Aaron thinks about going after the idiot and then he sees his car keys still on the table. He won’t do any damage to himself then. 

He leans back against the sofa, a hand on his forehead as he tries to think of anything other than that party and that moment and the fact that he’s right.

Robert is a slime ball. He’s got the proof.

He just didn’t expect to feel like shit for it.

 

—

 

He’s trying to enjoy Top Gear when he gets the call from Jamie.

It’s been about half an hour since Robert ran out and he hasn’t rung him yet. He’s been putting it off and now he can’t. How can he? 

Aaron leans across, takes a breath before he manages to answer it and then all he can hear is the sound of Jamie’s ragged breath. He sounds like he’s running up and down too and it only makes Aaron sit up and pause the telly.

“Jamie? You alright?”

He can practically hear him shaking his head.

“It’s Robert.”

It’s the last thing he wants to hear. The very last thing.

“What — what about him?”

“He’s been hit by a car. He just — can you go to the hospital, I — I’m on my way but I don’t want him on his own.”

Aaron stands suddenly, he’s already shoving his jacket on and nodding. He’s agreeing before he can even comprehend what’s happened. 

And then he’s driving to the hospital and having to make out that they’re related to get any answers out of the nurses.

“Please, what’s — God is he okay?” His voice stretches to a different level, he feels like there’s something pulling at his chest, tugging at his fucking heart.

“He’s having a few scans as we speak, I can’t tell you anymore than that at the moment I’m afraid.” The nurse nods at him before she walks away from him and he has to sit on some uncomfortable chair and try not to freak out.

His knee keeps bouncing up and down, and he’s sure there’s tears in his eyes and his heart won’t stop pounding in his chest.

He sits there until some nurse comes back and tells him that they’ve had to put Robert in a coma. They think he’s got brain damage. 

“Brain —“ Aaron feels his throat close up. He isn’t even sure what’s wrong with him. “So he’s — he’s not alright then.”

“We have to monitor him and see how he reacts.” The nurse is unhelpful, so unhelpful and all he can imagine is Robert laying there like some sort of vegetable.

“What does that even fucking — I’m sorry. Sorry.” Aaron closes his eyes and breathes deeply. He only wants one thing. “I — can I see him?” 

 

—

 

He doesn’t know why he wants to see him. He doesn’t really get what is happening to him but he can’t leave.

His face is all puffy and red and it gets worse as he sees the state of Robert. He’s got a bruise on his face, a cut falling down from his right eye. 

“Open your eyes.” Aaron pleads, he doesn’t want to say anything anymore. He doesn’t trust himself to say anything more.

Robert’s hair is flat against his forehead and his freckles are everywhere.

Aaron has a hand hovering over Robert’s hair and he shudders. “Robert, wake up.” He whispers, his hand shaking over Robert’s hair until he settles it down. “Please.” He whispers but his eyes are still closed shut.

Aaron feels a tear fall down his face and he catches it quickly. It makes him take a few steps back from the bed, rub at his face until he hears the sound of footsteps coming in to the room.

Jamie looks devastated and Aaron has to get a grip doesn’t he?

“Mate.” Aaron comes towards him but Jamie just goes towards Robert and holds his hand suddenly.

“Why isn’t he awake?” Jamie whispers, voice nearly as wrecked as Aaron’s was. 

“They’ve put him into a coma.” Aaron explains. “They think he might have some damage to his brain but they’ll know more when he —“

Jamie leans down and kisses Robert’s forehead.

Aaron looks away.

“What if he doesn’t wake up?” Jamie dares to say and Aaron closes his eyes around it. “Aaron?”

“Don’t think like that.” Aaron says hastily, he comes further towards Jamie and scopes him up into a hug.

 

—

 

Aaron doesn’t want to leave the room, but Jamie says he can’t just look down at him like that so they’re getting a coffee.

He’s got questions.

He wants to know what happened and Aaron’s mouth goes dry.

“He was near ours. When the car hit, he was near ours, what if he wanted to come and see me?”

“It wasn’t like that.” Aaron blurts out, he’s sure that he’s going to have to stop himself from crying as he explains. He absolutely hates this. “He was at ours.” Jamie frowns at him. “Then he left.”

“You had words more like.” Jamie’s eyes turn dark and Aaron puts his head down. “Did you push him out?”

“No.” Aaron says quickly. “No, no I —“

“You _what_?” Jamie’s shouting and Aaron’s never seen him like this before. He’s angry. He’s so angry.

Aaron rubs a hand across his face. “He just ran out, took my cans and —“

“You let him? So he was drunk.”

Aaron shrugs, mouth gaping. “He left his keys. So I thought —“

“You thought it would be fine? Well clearly not.” Aaron watches Jamie’s eyes flicker, he bites at his lip and shudders. “He could _die_.”

Aaron’s whole body turns cold. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. You’re under my skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam makes a discovery, Aaron doesn’t want to admit the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halfway through!

 

 

 

He doesn’t die.

He just scares the shit out of both of them for a couple of days. 

Jamie’s tried taking time off work but his boss isn’t best pleased considering Robert and him have only been dating for a few months. So Aaron’s here most of the time instead.

He keeps his distance when he has to, he doesn’t hold Robert’s hand or anything like that. 

But he strokes a hand through his hair, sometimes he strokes his cheek until it feels really wrong. It usually lasts a second or two.

“I’m sorry.” He says, bites hard against his lip. “If I hadn’t been so ... then you wouldn’t have left and you wouldn’t be here.” He whispers, blinks against the guilt he feels.

Jamie’s hardly speaking to him.

“I’m _sorry_. I just wanted you gone, ‘cause it would have been easier.”

Easier than this.

Easier than pretending. 

He has a hand through Robert’s hair when he hears the door go and he jumps back when he sees that Adam’s standing there. He doesn’t give anything away, just frowns slightly and his words say it all.

“Thought Jamie would be here.”

Aaron looks down towards the floor and rubs at his eyes. He wonders how red his face is. 

“He’s working.” Aaron says, “His boss is being a dick about all this time off so ...”

“Do you think this is a good idea?” Adam blurts out, “You. Here. With him.”

Aaron frowns slightly. “What, you think I’m going to smother him with a pillow? You think I _hate_ him but I don’t.” He cant help how loud he suddenly is.

Adam gulps hard, he looks like he’s got everything worked out in his head. “I think you do. Even more than before. Because now you’ve realised you ...”

Aaron closes his eyes. He breathes in and then he shakes his head as he opens them.

“Shut up.”

“Aaron do you really —“

Robert’s eyes begin to flicker suddenly, Aaron looks down and sees that his finger is flickering gently against the bed sheets. 

“He’s waking up!” Aaron says, waves a hand out for Adam to get the nurse and Robert’s eyes are open. 

Green and bright.

Aaron’s legs give way and he hates him.

“Hey, hey you’re okay. You’re in hospital, you’re okay.” Aaron keeps whispering until the nurse comes into the room in front of Adam who’s just staring at Aaron.

“Ja — Jamie?” Robert has this frown on his face, he looks panicked and vulnerable and Aaron has to step back.

He has to breathe in and nod. “I’ll get — I’ll get him for you.” He says, and the feeling inside gets worse. He tries to smile as he gets to the door, and Adam holds at his arm but Aaron pushes him away.

“Leave me alone.” Aaron bites, and yeah he’s going to have a little cry in the cafe after he lets Jamie know the good news.

 

—

 

Adam finds him, he’s got his feet up on a chair and his arms folded and he wants to run but Adam’s quicker than he is. He sits him down and sighs.

“He’s lucky. They don’t think he’s going to have a lot of lasting damage.” Adam plays with an empty sachet of sugar and Aaron’s shoulders relax a little.

“Good.” He whispers, biting his lip and trying to stop from being annoyingly emotional.

But he is.

Because Robert nearly died and he had to realise that —

He just had to realise _things_ didn’t he?

“Jamie thinks you’ve gone home, drowning your sorrows now he’s okay.”

“He really thinks I hate him.”

“You did.”

“I do.” Aaron snaps. “A bit. But I wouldn’t wish him any harm. Jamie should know that.” That hurts a little, his friend thinking he’s like that when he’s been plagued with guilt since it happened.

Adam leans forward. “You don’t have to pretend with me.” He whispers. “I’m not telling anyone.”

“There’s not anything to tell.”

“I saw you.” Adam says, sounding exasperated. “When he called for Jamie. You looked gutted.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Aaron, it’s okay.”

“How?” Aaron looks up suddenly, he has tears in his eyes and he just wants everything to stop. “I shouldn’t feel like this.”

He keeps it vague. As vague as possible and Adam bows his head.

“You can’t help it.”

“This wasn’t meant to happen though was it? I go on about him being a liar and a cheat and then I — I don’t know —“ Aaron has his head in hands and he doesn’t want to feel like this at all.

Adam won’t let him forget though, he looks at him and gulps. “Did something happen at that party?”

“I pushed him against a wall.”

“Nice bit of flirting from your side then.”

“This isn’t funny.” Aaron shouts, gets a few looks and Adam sobers. He says sorry and Aaron carries on for some reason. “For a second I wanted to ...” He huffs. “Kiss him.”

He shakes his head against it and then cowers under the way Adam says that he needs to think about what he’s going to do next.

“You can’t just ignore it?” Adam fires as Aaron tells him he will. “It won’t go away.”

“Yeah it will.” Aaron says.

Adam frowns. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

It might be because he never has.

“Never.” Adam stresses. “So that has to mean ...”

Aaron closes his eyes. He rubs a hand right across his face and then gulps hard. He feels like he’s going to be sick or something. “It doesn’t have to mean anything.” He hisses.

“I saw you.” Adam’s flipping slow isn’t he? He’s really slow, and he feels the need tovoice everything he’s thinking. “It’s more than just wanting to snog his face off. Isn’t it?”

Aaron holds his head and says silent.

“It has to be. And then you think he’s kicked it. Aaron, you’re in love with him.”

Aaron’s eyes flicker and something flutters in his chest and then dies. “You’re so dramatic.” He scrapes the chair and stands before leaning down. “You don’t know how I feel at all, so stop trying to be my agony aunt.” He says before he charges away and ignores Adam calling after him.

 

—

 

“I know you want to put things right.” Jamie says the next day, Aaron’s come to the hospital only because he had a dream that Robert took a turn for the worst.

“Of course I do.” Aaron says honestly, just not in a way that Jamie will understand.

Jamie nods, he looks towards Robert in the window and sighs. “He can’t stay at his, so I said he can move in with us. I can take care of him.”

Aaron freezes. It’s probably the last thing he needs.

“Right.” Aaron says. “I’ll stay out the way.”

He’ll go to Adam’s for a few weeks. He’ll ignore Robert completely because that’s going to work. It’s not like he’s having nightmares about him dying is it?

Jamie frowns. “Actually I wanted you around. Miles won’t give me a lot of time off for this, and considering you work part time, I thought —“

“Thought what?”

“I was going to ask if you could be there when I’m not.”

Aaron blinks. “Like look after him?”

“I’m not talking about giving him bed baths but ... like helping him.” Jamie says and Aaron just stares at Robert through the window. He’s just laying there looking lost. “You know what, forget it.”

“Fine.” He says. “Fine, I will.”

Jamie smiles faintly, and then he wraps his arms around Aaron and Aaron can’t breathe against it.

“Why don’t you go and make peace with him yeah?” Jamie says and Aaron’s heart beats out of his chest.

“I don’t think …”

“For me.” Jamie smiles, and Aaron goes in.

 

—

 

Robert immediately sits up a little more when Aaron comes into the room and waves a hand out.

“Don’t stretch yourself. It’s fine.” Aaron says, he can’t really look at him so he just sits down on the chair and blows out a breath. “‘M glad you’re okay.”

“You are?” Robert’s voice croaks slightly and Aaron nods.

“Yeah. I don’t ...”

“Hate me anymore. Considering I got hit by a car.”

“No one told you to not look both ways.” Aaron says. He tries to joke but it doesn’t meet his eyes and Robert looks away. “Sorry. That was a joke, I didn’t mean to ...”

Robert still looks wounded, all the smugness seems to have melted away from him and Aaron wants it back. He wants something back to replace what he feels.

“How did it happen?” Aaron says quietly, he tries his hardest not to imagine it all.

Robert suddenly looks stricken. His face pales even further and he closes his eyes. 

“Sorry, I didn’t —“ Aaron says quickly. “You don’t have to.”

Robert gulps, and then lets out a small smile. Aaron wonders if it’s because he sounded worried and he finds it funny. Aaron blushes against it and then watches Robert frown and groan. He struggles to keep his hands by his sides.

“I was drinking on a bench one minute, and then ... and then the next thing I know I was on the curb. I must have missed my footing.” He looks deep in thought and then sighs. “Or I just stepped out without looking like you said. I’m an idiot.”

Aaron shakes his head. “You’re not.”

Robert stares at him and then sighs. “You don’t have to pretend to be ... glad I’m okay.” Robert looks at Jamie who’s still standing by the window. He’s looking down at his phone though so he doesn’t notice. 

Aaron frowns. “I’m not pre—“

“Jamie said he wanted me to move in with him.” Robert says quickly. “I take it you don’t want that.”

Aaron can’t help but feel a little hurt. But he should be happy as well shouldn’t he? Adam’s twigged what’s going on but Robert still thinks that they hate each other.

“I said I’d help ya.” Aaron says. “Don’t make me regret it.”

Robert suddenly looks really grateful and it knocks Aaron a little. “What about the other thing?”

Aaron feels his mouth turn dry. 

“What other ... other thing?”

Did he hear him cry over him? Fuck, did he hear that?

Aaron feels his palms turn sweaty and then Robert frowns a little.

“About my brother’s wedding, why he doesn’t want me there.” Robert blinks heavily. “I don’t want to upset him anymore than I have done.” He looks right at Aaron. “Please, I know you can’t stand me but I promise I’m not like that anymore. I really ... I like Jamie. I’m not going to cheat on him. With anyone.”

Aaron should be happy shouldn’t he? He should be relieved. He is. He is.

“Good.” Aaron says. “We’ll leave it as that then.”

“You won’t give me a hard time anymore?”

Is that what he’s been doing? It is, isn’t it? So how comes he’s ended up feeling like this?

Aaron shakes his head. “Nah.” He says lightly. “You’re off the hook.”

Robert relaxes into a smile and looks like he wants to be friends with Aaron now.

Aaron can’t think of anything worse.

 

—

 

Adam catches them all getting out the car, Jamie’s got Robert hooked under his arm and he’s shuffling him towards the lift.

“Mate, could you get his stuff.” Jamie’s asking, looking at Aaron over his shoulder and stroking Robert’s arm gently.

Aaron nods as he opens the boot and then Robert turns his head and smiles too. 

“Thanks Aaron.” He says, so quietly. He sounds like a different person entirely and Aaron’s wordless against it. He just stares at him as Jamie speaks slowly about him having to take it easy until they disappear and Adam’s standing in front of him.

“So much for ignoring it.” Adam says.

He has a point really but Aaron explains that he has no choice. 

“You really think you can be his carer?”

Aaron scowls. “I’m not going to be his carer, I’ll just check it he’s taking his medication. It’s not that big of a deal.” He lies. 

“Of course it is. Aaron, you lov—“

“Say that again. I dare ya.” Aaron slams the boot down loudly and Adam’s eyes flicker.

“Mate...”

“No.” Aaron says. “If you were a mate you’d let me deal with this my way.” He says and he forces everything else out of his mind as he gets into the flat.

 

—

 

Robert’s mainly in Jamie’s bed for the next couple of days. Aaron does him up some sandwiches, slops some soup into a bowl and brings it to him but that’s about it.

He stands over Robert when he’s sleeping. He’s been asleep all day and Aaron’s just got back from the garage. He needs a shower.

He keeps staring down at him until he hears Robert stirring awake and he backs away a little.

“Jamie?”

It hurts. He hates how it hurts.

“Nah. Just me I’m afraid.” Aaron says, he looks towards the full glass of water on the bedside table. “You need to drink this.”

Robert rubs at his eyes lazily. “Thanks.” He says. It sounds so out of the blue that Aaron can only stare back in surprise. “You didn’t have to do this. You could have moved out.”

“I like my own bed.” Aaron says quickly. “It’s no big deal.”

“Well it means a lot.” Robert says, shrugs slowly and Aaron suddenly feels out of place as Robert smiles at him. He looks so genuine, it’s frightening. 

It makes Aaron melt.

He wants it to stop.

He nods instead of says anything else. “I’m getting a shower, so uh ... I’ll be out in a bit if you want me.” Aaron’s eyes widen. “I mean need me, like if you ... if something is wrong or something.” He flaps and Robert’s already sinking down in the bed and nodding.

“Yeah.” He says sleepily and Aaron only smiles at him when he sees Robert’s eyes close shut.

 

—

 

Jamie’s really proud of him. He buys him a couple of cans and a pizza and Aaron frowns at him.

“You don’t need to thank me for being a decent person you know.”

“But this is Robert. You’ve never liked him.”

“But he got hit by a car.”

Jamie bites his lip. “And I blamed ya for a bit. I shouldn’t have. You don’t ... don’t owe me anything though. You know that?”

He does though. It’s so painfully obvious that he owes Jamie. 

Aaron swipes a slice of pizza straight from under Jamie’s nose and bites down. “I know that.” He says.

The sound of Robert flushing the toilet is enough to make Jamie look towards the bathroom. “You think he’s okay?”

“Yeah.” Aaron says, frowning. “He’s just pissed, don’t worry.” The pizza suddenly gets stuck in his throat. “You really like him don’t you?”

Jamie gulps hard, starts playing with the arm of the sofa. “Think I might love him.”

And Aaron turns deaf around it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. You’re not mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert’s relationship intensifies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG BLOODY CHAPTER COMING

 

 

 

Aaron sees Adam calling him as he gets out of his car and makes his way towards the flat. He instantly declines it because he’s been ignoring Adam since he shouted at him the other day.

He’s got a couple of texts from him, saying that he’s sorry but he isn’t sorry and that Aaron needs to let him in. He sounds like a therapist when he’s meant to be a mate.

So he’s ignoring him.

He sniffs a little as he gets up the stairs towards the flat and turns the lock in the door. 

He half expects to hear Robert snoring lightly from Jamie’s room but all he hears is silence. He wonders around a bit, flicks the kettle on and then kicks his shoes off before he walks towards Jamie’s room and sees Robert laying there.

Only he’s at this awkward angle and his arm is hanging lifelessly over the bed. His mouth is half open and when Aaron nervously shakes his shoulder he doesn’t move.

“Robert.” He says, voice barely there as he waits and Robert doesn’t do anything. He looks like he’s passed out. He looks fucking dead. “Rob.” He shakes him again, and then he’s on the bed, kneeling over him and slapping at his cheeks.

He doesn’t mean to panic but he is, so suddenly he’s losing control of how he’s meant to be acting and he has to rub tears away from his cheeks. 

“Rob.” He says, and he’s too scared to see if he’s cold. He just leans right down and touches his forehead against Robert’s.

They’ve never been this close. It’s so wrong but —

Robert’s eyes flicker open.

“Aaron?”

Aaron stares down at him, breath ragged as he tries to calm down.

“What happened?” Robert looks up, he seems a little dazed and Aaron realises that their hips are touching as well as their foreheads. He instantly pulls away from him and gets off the bed.

“You were _out_ of it.” Aaron says. “Couldn’t wake ya.”

Robert looks confused and then he nods. “The painkillers really knock me out.” He pauses. “Did you think I was ...”

“I didn’t know what to think!” Aaron shouts, and that worry is laced there and Robert can only apologise. “No. It ain’t your fault.” He says hurriedly. 

“For making you care.” Robert says, he sits up a little in the bed and gulps hard. “Must have been hard for you.” He sounds like his old self. Aaron should call him a bastard but he fights a smile.

He hates _himself_ instead.

Aaron sighs. “Seem back to your old self.” He says. “I’ll uh ...” he turns his back, and then Robert calls for him. He thanks him and Aaron looks away. “Jamie’d kill me if you died.”

Yeah. Right.

Robert half smiles. “Yeah you’re right.” He says slowly and Aaron shuts the door. He breathes out a sigh of relief as he hides himself away in his room. He tries to stop the panic, the way his hands keep shaking. 

He tries.

 

—

 

He orders another pint. He leans right over the bar and waves his hand about until he gets one in front of him.

“Thought I’d find you here.” Adam says, he looks at Aaron and shakes his head. “You avoiding me yeah?”

“I’m avoiding a lot.” Aaron says, he looks at Adam and then back to his pint. “So get lost.”

“No can do.” Adam pulls up a chair and sighs. “How’s Robert?”

Aaron stills

“Sorry. I just —“

“Scared the shit out of me today.” Aaron says loosely. “He was really out of it and ... I thought the worst.”

“Mate.”

“Made me think even more about — you know ...” Aaron downs his pint with abandon and then stops as Adam touches his arm.

“You’re not going to find any solutions at the bottom of that glass.”

“Wise old Adam.” Aaron mumbles. “You think you could tell me how to stop feeling like this eh?”

Adam closes his eyes, sighs hard. “I can’t help you there mate.”

“Then piss off.” Aaron says, he tries to stand up again and then he slams down on the bar and Adam has to apologise for him. Aaron just shakes his head and then sighs. “I just wanted to ... to hug him. Then hit him for making me want to hug him. I thought he was dead and he wouldn’t know ...”

Adam gulps. “That you love him?”

Aaron almost looks disgusted. He is. Of course he is.

“Don’t say it.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true.”

“No. No I hated him. He was a little _weasel_ wasn’t he?” Aaron seriously can’t get his head around it. “But then I don’t know ... I felt attracted to the idiot and then he nearly _died_ and it ...”

“Made things clearer?”

Aaron closes his eyes. “He said all this stuff about what he’d done, he’s slept with his brother’s fiancé. He’s broken hearts and been a idiot but it didn’t change anything.” He reflects. He’s finally allowing himself to and it’s horrible. “It was like ...”

“It was already too late?”

Aaron nods tentatively. “It didn’t change anything at all. I didn’t even _care_.”

Adam leans closer and sighs. “Mate ...”

“I didn’t want it to feel like this.” Aaron looks desperately at Adam. “I didn’t want to, I didn’t plan on this happening. Feeling like this. But I can’t stop it.”

He’s tried. He tried fucking that blonde twat a few times because he resembled Robert.

But it was no use.

“He’s really nice sometimes you know?” Aaron whispers, he’s almost talking to himself. “He smiles and I can’t breathe.” He hears himself speaking and it’s not like it’s really him. It’s some love sick fuck. “I love him.” 

He feels the world collapse as he finally says it. But Adam’s this heavy weight against him as he falls into his chest.

“It’s not that —“

“It is.” Aaron stops him before he can even begin to pretend like this is even remotely okay. “Don’t you get it? Jamie’s already told me he loves him Ad. He already said.”

Adam goes to speak again and then Aaron scoffs. 

“And anyway, he’s clueless. He still thinks I hate him underneath. He probably hates me too.” Aaron pauses as he thinks about it. “Should see it as a blessing. Because I’m not breaking Jamie’s heart mate.”

“You’ll just break yours instead?”

Aaron’s never had his heart broken. Not once. Not over some _lad_. He’s never put himself in the position. 

He isn’t about to start.

 

—

 

He stinks of oil and needs a piss when he comes into the flat and sees Robert standing by the kitchen. He looks out of breath, like all the standing has taken it out of him or something and Aaron frowns at him.

“You should be in bed, no?”

Robert rolls his eyes. “I’m sick of sleeping.”

“Want to swap places?”

“You want to be in my bed Aaron?” He’s teasing, only it doesn’t get to be perceived as harmless does it? Aaron’s face turns bright red and Robert laughs lightly. “I’m only messing, no need to look like you want to be sick.”

“Very funny.” Aaron says, he takes his overalls off and ties them by his waist before turning the shower on and sticking his hand in. He’ll have to wait for it to get warm.

“I’m cooking you tea by the way.” Robert says, and Aaron can hardly ignore him. He sighs hard before walking back towards the kitchen and looking confused. “Salmon. For being — well for not smothering me in my sleep for the last couple of days. It’s been ... appreciated.”

“You’re cooking me tea for not killing ya?”

“For putting up with me.”

Aaron frowns again. “Jamie’s been doing more than me.”

“Yeah, pussy footing around me like some old woman.” Robert scoffs, Aaron tries to hide his laughter.

“It’s only ‘cause he cares.”

“Yeah.” Robert looks more seriously suddenly and he folds his arms. He doesn’t have any bruises on his face anymore. He looks brighter.

Aaron can’t help but smile a little.

He’s still fighting things when they eat together.

“Jamie’s held up.” Robert flips his phone over and looks disappointed. Aaron gulps hard and then scratches his head.

“I don’t mind, you can wait for him to come and have it together. I fancy a burger anyway.”

Robert pulls a face. “Charming.” He says before he sits down slowly and almost winces in pain. Aaron’s instinct is to hold him, reach out, and his arms hover for a second before Robert shakes his head.

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t look it.”

“Yeah well I got hit by car.” Robert mutters under his breath and Aaron keeps his head down. “Sorry.”

“Don’t matter.” Aaron stabs at his piece of salmon and then bites at his lip. “You know I’m sorry for ... if I wasn’t ... you wouldn’t have run out like that.”

Robert tries to understand him, his face forming a frown before he shakes his head and sighs. “It wasn’t you. I was feeling sorry for myself.” He says.

“Still.” Aaron stabs and then he looks up to see that Robert is almost smiling at him. “What?”

“It’s just weird. Us. Almost mates.” Robert wrinkles his nose and something flutters in Aaron’s stomach. Maybe he doesn’t think they still hate each other. Maybe his feelings are changing too.

It manages to make Aaron feel even worse.

“You’re not bad.” Aaron says, only it means I Love You and Robert naturally completely misses it. He scoffs and nods his head.

“Neither are you.” He says lightly and Aaron gulps hard against the compliment of sorts.

 

—

 

They both like Top Gear, they’re watching it when Jamie comes home from work and Aaron nods up at him. Only Jamie just stays where he is, breathing all out of place as he looks at Robert.

“You alright?” Robert says, voice wary as Jamie just shakes his head and his eyes flicker a little.

“Mate?”

“I know.” Jamie says, and all the colour leaves Aaron’s face. He thinks he’s talking to him until Jamie looks straight at Robert. “I know you’re a liar.” He looks at Aaron finally. “Congrats, you were right all along?” 

Robert stands awkwardly, struggles and then shakes his head. “Jamie, I _promise_ you, I haven’t cheated on you. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Aaron feels a flash of something terrible.

“But you’ve lied.” Jamie frowns. “Because I’m such a pushover, I’ll believe whatever you say!”

Aaron stays silent. He doesn’t know what he’s on about but it’s not about how he feels so he’s trying to recover from the relief. 

“You’re not making any sense.”

“Your sister called.” Jamie says. “She called your work place and some girl called Leyla gave her my number, she didn’t even know about me.”

Robert’s face is bright red. “Jamie...”

“And then she explained about your brother’s wedding, about _why_ you’re not invited. I mean, _God_ , who sleeps with their brother’s _fiancé_.” Jamie’s never looked like this before. He looks like Robert’s not worth his time at all and Aaron can’t handle it.

Robert’s face is still bright red. “I was going to tell you.”

“But you didn’t. Because you’re a liar and you didn’t want me knowing.” Jamie says. “Because you _know_ how bad it is.”

“Yeah!” Robert shouts. “Yeah okay. Because you’re Mr perfect and I’m _not_.”

Aaron hears the emotion in Robert’s voice and it haunts him. He finds himself standing up, trying to reason with Jamie but he doesn’t seem to care.

“Hang on, you knew?” Jamie’s eyes widen. “You knew and you didn’t tell me. Why? I thought you’d be the first one to want to —“

“Because he got hit by that car and he was _sorry_.” Aaron explains. “Mate, it happened years ago.”

And he’s defending him. He’s making sure they stay together and it doesn’t make sense. It goes against everything he’s feeling deep inside but he can’t just sit back and let this play out.

Jamie looks so hurt, and Robert’s words seem to fall flat.

“You still lied to me.” Jamie whispers and Robert tries to step forward but he pushes him away. “I don’t think I like who you really are.” He says and Robert looks like he’s just been punched in the gut. “You should go.”

“Jamie, hang on —“ Aaron tries.

“Stay out of this Aaron!” Jamie says and Robert waves a hand out. His head hangs as he gets his bags from Jamie’s room.

“He’s been hit by a car.” Aaron says quickly. “You’re angry yeah but —“

“You his biggest fan now yeah? Weren’t too long ago you were saying I’d be well rid.”

And yeah. Okay.  _Fine_. But things are very clearly different now.

“I just don’t want you doing anything you’ll regret.” Aaron whispers and Jamie just looks up to the ceiling.

“I already do. Meeting him in that stupid club.” Jamie says, and Robert re-emerges with all his stuff, head down as he passes without saying a word.

A small part of Aaron wants to follow. But then Jamie starts crying and he has to hold him against his chest and tell him that it’ll be okay.

 

—

 

Aaron knocks on the door gently and passes Jamie over a cup of tea. He tries to smile, test the waters and he’s thankful when Jamie nods out a thanks.

“When did he tell you?”

Aaron’s mouth turns dry. “Just before he was hit. I heard him on the phone to his sister. He was dead upset.”

“Yeah?”

Aaron nods. He sits down on the edge of the bed and sees that Robert’s left a few pair of shoes that clutter up under the bed. “That’s why he run out.”

“He said it had something to do with work.” Jamie scoffs. “ _Another_ lie.” He says. He looks like he wants to cry, holds at his pillow and squeezes and Aaron doesn’t know where to put his face. “You should be pleased.”

“I’m not.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t want you hurt.” Aaron says. “Not after last time.”

Jamie rolls his eyes, his hair is flat against his forehead and he sighs. “Why is it always me?”

Aaron leans closer, pushes lightly at Jamie’s shoulder. “It’ll be alright.”

“Will it?” Aaron nods eagerly because he wants to believe it too.

“You’ll bounce back. You always do.”

“Until the next idiot comes alone, with a bunch of baggage and lies.” Jamie pouts and then shakes his head. “At least I’ve got you eh?”

It makes Aaron’s eyes widen, his heart twist. “Yeah.”

 

—

 

He sees Robert a few days later, he’s running in the park and Robert just so happens to be walking in his direction. He thinks about running past but then Robert looks up at him and he yanks his headphone out and nods.

“Thought you’d run past me.” Robert says. “I’d deserve it.”

Aaron huffs. “Well I lied to him too didn’t I? I didn’t tell him about the whole wedding thing.” He waves a hand out and then sighs.

“Does he hate me?”

“He misses ya.”

“Doesn’t really answer the question though does it?” Robert kicks the ground a little, he has a hand falling across his hair. “I don’t blame him.”

Aaron sighs, he has his mouth gaping open and he doesn’t know what to say. “He had a hard time with an ex alright? So it’s not even you, not really.” He blinks quickly. “I mean you didn’t help but ...”

“He’s not answering my calls or anything.”

“Maybe just leave it.” Aaron says, and he feels that betrayal hit him again. “He doesn’t want to speak to you.”

He doesn’t? Right?

Robert sighs. “Got it.” He says, drops his head like he’s trying to hide his upset and Aaron just lets him go.

 

—

 

Finn surprisingly doesn’t want a night out with him and Aaron knows that he can hardly complain considering last time.

So instead he’s at this bar by himself, it’s not a gay one but he doesn’t seem to care all that much because he literally just wants to drink alone and try and forget how upset Jamie still is.

It’s been a whole flipping week.

He sips at his pint and then shuffles further down into the booth, he’s trying to completely forget everything but it’s hard when he suddenly hears a certain voice.

“I’m not the only one drowning my sorrows then.” Robert. Robert standing right above him wearing some tight patterned shirt and jeans and that leather jacket. He slides right in next to him in the booth and shakes his head.

“What are you doing here?”

“Drinking.” Robert waves a hand out and sighs. “You?”

“Drinking.” Aaron can’t look at Robert, he just stops dead and tries to get up but Robert frowns.

“Where you going?” Robert says, he sounds worried, and Aaron shakes his head slowly and sits down again. He turns to Robert, he looks good, he looks really good but his eyes are all sad.

“So how have —“

“How’s Jamie?” Robert asks, it’s all he cares about. It’s annoying.

“He’s okay.” Aaron says, eyes flickering. “But how are you?”

“Why do you care?” Robert has a strange look on his face like he doesn’t understand.

Aaron sips at his pint, and then he keeps sipping at it until it’s all gone. Only then can he shrug his shoulders. “Because we don’t hate each other anymore.” It feels like he’s said something more than what he has.

Robert arches an eyebrow. “What about Jamie? Loyalty and all that.”

“You calling me a bad friend?”

“What? No.” Robert flaps around and then he stares at Aaron’s empty glass. “Want another?”

Aaron just stares at him, he doesn’t know how to stop. He nods his head only when Robert waves a hand out in front of him and almost laughs.

“Yeah. Get shots. Shots too.”

It’s the only way Aaron’s getting through this.

“God does he know I’m sorry?” Robert says, tilts his head a little and Aaron knocks back another shot.

It’s a Thursday night. The bar is really dying down now but they’re still here.

Aaron’s got his legs crossed as Robert hangs his long ones over the booth and they’re talking until Robert mentions Jamie again.

Aaron rubs at his head and sighs. “I think he’s —“

“Over me? Great.” Robert sips at his pint. “I actually liked him. It wasn’t just about ...”

Aaron pulls a face. “If you say sex, I’m going to —“

Robert scoffs. “No. No, it wasn’t just about finding a good guy.” Aaron frowns at him, he wants to come closer but he has to stop himself. “Haven’t really had a boyfriend before.” His eyes dart around the place and Aaron holds his breath.

“Really?”

“Thought you knew that. Thought that was why you wanted me away from Jamie.” Robert says, he looks down at the wooden table and then looks up at Aaron again. “That you’d figured it out.”

Aaron sips at his pint and then frowns. “Of course I hadn’t. I was just being —“

“A dick.” He says. “Like me.”

“You’re not a dick.”

“I am.” Robert says. “I hurt Jamie and he’s a good guy. He’s a good guy.”

“Doesn’t make you the bad guy.” Aaron punches at Robert’s arm lightly.

“You thought so.”

“Well I don’t now.” Aaron blurts out. “I really don’t.”

Robert’s eyes flicker a little and he slumps down the booth. “And now what? You think I’m not as bad as —“

“Think you’re amazing.” It just sort of falls out and doesn’t know what to do with himself, so he takes another shot, winces against the pain and only dares to look at Robert a few seconds later.

Robert who has this dopey smile on his face. “You’re fucking drunk.”

Aaron’s eyes widen. “No.” He says. He takes Robert’s last shot and then winces again. “But I have to be like this because of you, you twat.”

Robert scoffs. “What are you —“

“You.” Aaron says. “It’s your fault.”

“Sorry.”

“Stop being nice.” Aaron snaps. His eyes search over Robert’s face and he shakes his head. “I can’t handle it.”

“Handle what? My amazingness. You must be drunk if you’re saying that because I’m a _mess_ and I don’t deserve —“

Aaron’s eyes widen and suddenly he’s got his forehead pressed against Robert’s. He breathes out deeply and his heart pounds as Robert starts speaking.

“You’re really close to me.”

“Yeah I know.” Aaron says, he can barely breathe. He just can’t move himself away.

“You don’t want to move away?”

Aaron shakes his head slowly. “Can’t.”

“Because you feel sorry for me. _You_ feel sorry for ...”

“Because I can’t — because I have to —“ Aaron gives in. He gives in and he holds Robert’s face, kisses him. He kisses him.

Robert pulls away sharply, eyes widening like he doesn’t know what’s going on. His eyes search over Aaron’s face like he’s looking for an answer and then he dives in and kisses Aaron, he kisses Aaron back.

They kiss.

They kiss until Robert pulls back and shakes his head and then holds it. “God we’re drunk.” He says.

Only Aaron doesn’t feel very drunk. He feels high, he feels like he can’t breathe because they’ve just kissed and it felt —

It was wrong. It’s wrong.

Because it wasn’t wrong at all.

Robert goes to stand and buckles slightly before Aaron scopes him up and holds him. Robert looks right in his eyes and Aaron just wants to kiss him again but he can’t make that mistake.

“I’ll get us a cab.” He mumbles, he watches Robert nod, he watches him pull a hand over his mouth like he’s trying to forget what just happened.

Aaron can’t.

 

—

 

He takes him home and gives him a coffee. His flat is all white and shiny and clean and he can’t help but comment on it when Robert catches him staring.

“Yours is a lot more homely.” Robert reasons, he finally discards his leather jacket and then sighs hard. “This is meant to be mine.”

Aaron doesn’t get how Robert is stunned about them kissing, how he can just file it under the ‘drunk’ thing that happened and be okay with Aaron sitting next to him on his sofa. 

But Aaron can’t afford to be the one who makes it weird. He has to front it out.

“Your what?” Aaron says slowly, he’s on water because the stupid coffee machine was enough of a chore the first time around.

“Home.” Robert looks around the place. “It’s not really. Like it more around yours.”

Aaron looks down. “Cool.” He says slowly. “Cheers.”

“Aaron?” Robert says. “Did ya kiss me ‘cause you felt sorry for me?”

“We were drunk. Can’t even remember it.”

It happened about an hour. He’s probably never going to forget it.

“Because Jamie knows what a fuck up I am. What a liar I am.” Robert clearly hasn’t even been listening to anything. Aaron’s thankful. “You know I thought I could take Jamie home? That Andy and Vic would think ‘oh look this whole ... bloke thing isn’t just about sex, he can be in a relationship’ but you know — I ruined it.”

“You didn’t ruin it.”

“Of course I did. I find a nice guy and he likes me and I still ruin it.”

“That can’t be the only reason you want to be with Jamie?” Aaron scowls at him. “Just makes you sound like a dick.”

“Well I am.”

“No you’re not.” Aaron rolls his eyes and Robert stares at him. “You’re not Robert.”

“You told me enough.”

“That was before —“

“I got hit by a car and you had to pretend to like me. I remember.” Robert says, and Aaron stands up suddenly.

“You don’t know shit.”

“I know you call me amazing when you’re drunk.” Robert smiles slightly and Aaron feels sick. “Don’t worry, I’ll forget about it by tomorrow.”

Aaron rubs a hand across his face. “Don’t want that.”

“What?”

“Forget I said anything.” Aaron backtracks. “I’ll — I should be going.”

“So you meant it?” Robert says, and Aaron freezes by the door. He feels Robert get up, suddenly stand close to him.

Aaron can’t breathe. He just nods his head so slowly.

“Thought you couldn’t stand me ... I hated that you couldn’t stand me.” Robert admits, and it sounds a lot like a confession or something. 

Aaron closes his eyes then he says he’s sorry.

“For what?” Robert whispers and Aaron’s breath becomes ragged as he stares into Robert’s eyes and tries desperately to get over what he makes him feel. Once and for all.

But he can’t

“For this.” He says and he pulls Robert closer towards him, he smashes their mouths together and then pulls back to see how stunned Robert looks. “I didn’t —“ he half expects Robert to throw him out but instead he blushes. 

“Shut up and come here.” Robert grabs Aaron’s jumper and pulls him towards his room and Aaron doesn’t get to think twice.

It’s like it just happens.

They just happen to have sex and it just happens to be amazing and he just happens to hate himself the next morning when he opens his eyes.

Robert’s hugging him, they’re fucking spooning and Aaron has a hand delicately through his hair. He sort of savours it. He tries to at least.

Robert opens his eyes and for a second he smiles. “Hey.” He says and Aaron just stares at him. He unhooks himself a little and sits up and Robert sighs. “Look uh ...”

Aaron can’t breathe again. Fantastic.

“Drunk. Right? We were drunk.” Aaron rubs a hand across his face and Robert sits up, his bare shoulder touches Aaron’s. It makes him blush.

“Still remember what happened though.” Robert closes his eyes. “You were ... nice.”

“Robert ...”

“But it was ... obviously it was ...” Robert seems flustered and Aaron hasn’t seen him like his before.

“Yeah.”

“Not a mistake but — I mean I don’t regret it but we were, it was just a drunk thing. You were here and —“ Robert closes his eyes and sighs. “You wanted it too so —“

“Robert stop talking.”

“Sorry.”

Aaron leans down and grabs at his top. His hair is curly and crazy and he runs a hand through it as he reaches mindlessly for boxers and grabs at his jeans.

“We don’t speak about this again.” Aaron says. It’s for the best. “If Jamie —“

“He hates me already.”

Aaron looks at Robert suddenly for the first time. “Is that why we did this? Because it didn’t matter what he thought?”

It rises through him, this fucking shame.

“No.” He says. “No I just mean ...” he pauses. “You’re the one who kissed me first you know? And then here as well. You wanted —“

“Past tense. Drunk. Past tense.”

Aaron closes his eyes around it and then he gets off the bed and reaches for his coat. “I’ll go now.”

Robert looks down. “Yeah. Whatever.” He says and Aaron gets to the front door until Robert’s standing there flipping naked and covering himself. “Sorry, force of habit.” He says as Aaron looks towards the ceiling.

“What do you want Robert?”

“I know you feel bad. I’m sorry.”

“Like you said, I wanted it ... I mean you ... just don’t worry yeah. I’ll see you around. Or not. Actually we shouldn’t see ... sorry.” Aaron gets out the door and runs down the stairs until he’s back at his own place and getting a shower.

 

—

 

 

 

The shower burns his skin but he doesn’t find himself flinging at all. He can’t flinch because he’s almost frozen. He’s thinking of him as he stands there. The way they kissed all the way to his bedroom, the way Robert threw Aaron on the bed.

Their hands. They held hands all night really.

The sound of the door shutting makes him turn the water off, reach for his towel and run into his room. He doesn’t want to see Jamie. He can’t see him. He can’t even look him in the eye.

He sets about looking for something to wear because his black jumper smells like Robert. It really smells like Robert. He holds it up towards his face for a second and inhales like some weirdo.

Then Jamie’s knocking on his door and he’s forced to put it back on. “Alright?” Aaron says as he opens it. Jamie never knocks, he doesn’t know whether to smile or frown at him. He doesn’t do either, he just looks away.

“Just found these in the bathroom.” Jamie holds up a white pair of Calvin Kleins, the ones Aaron just slipped off. “They’re his.”

Aaron’s eyes widen. He feels sick, because he didn’t mean for this to happen but now he’s just got to deal with the backlash.

“Look, mate —“

“He must have left them here.” Jamie shakes his head and then sighs. He looks hurt, he still looks like a proper wounded puppy. “Could you take them back to him?”

“Eh?”

“Take them back to him.” Jamie says. “I don’t want them here.” He shakes his head a little.

“I’ll go later.” Aaron decides to say and then Jamie comes into the room and slumps down on the bed. He’s asking where Aaron got to last night and Aaron’s lying. “Nothing special.”

“You should look for special Aaron.” Jamie says wisely. “You never allow yourself to let anyone in.” Aaron goes to speak and Jamie stops him, looks up and nods. “It’s about time you put yourself first. Stop looking out for me.”

Only he has no idea what he’s actually saying does he? He doesn’t know what he’s causing Aaron to think about.

“Jamie ...”

“Because you deserve to be happy.”

“It was just ... just sex.” He blurts out.

“It always is with you.” Jamie says. “Allow yourself to want more eh?” He looks right at Aaron’s chest. “There’s love in there, and not just for me or your family.”

It’s like he knows. Of course he doesn’t know but he stands up and hugs Aaron. He pulls away and Aaron thinks he’s notices how it smells of the bloke he’s been sleeping with for months.

He just smiles though. It’s even worse.

 

—

 

Aaron’s sitting in his car a few hours later with Robert’s stupid pants in his jacket pocket. He tries to get his hands off the wheel but he can’t.

He’s frozen.

After a few seconds he gets his hand up towards his lips and remembers what happened the night before. It was amazing.

Robert was amazing.

Probably the best he’s ever had.

But then he was gentle, slow kisses and this soft smile and he made Aaron feel like it could be okay to love him.

It manages to run through him as he climbs out the car and up the stairs. It takes ages for Robert to answer the door and when he does, his eyes widen.

“Aaron.”

Aaron comes in, waves a hand out and sighs. “Look. I’m sorry for the way I left this morning.”

Robert’s eyes dart around the place. “Uh ... don’t —“

Aaron rubs a hand across his face. “Last night was amazing.” He says. “I didn’t want it to be, in fact, I sort of hoped you were shit. That your dick was small or weird and it wasn’t.”

“Thanks.” Robert says awkwardly. “Like you said, we were just drunk. It didn’t mean ...”

“It did to me.” Aaron says hastily, he feels like Adam could either hate him or be proud of him right now. 

Robert looks stunned. He doesn’t open his mouth to say anything so Aaron’s forced to shuffle on his feet for a second or two.

“Because, I’ve gone and — somehow I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Robert’s eyes widen. He has his mouth wide open and he doesn’t say a word.

“You idiot.” Aaron tries to lighten the mood slightly, only Robert looks like he wants to be sick. Or like he’s petrified. Or —

“Aaron?” Jamie’s voice is there suddenly and he’s wearing one of Robert’s shirts, he’s got his boxers on and Aaron feels his heart give way. “What are you doing here?”

Aaron looks at Robert and sees that the older man can’t look at him. He has his head down and Aaron notices that his shirt has the buttons done up all wrong, he’s got his jeans on but the zipper is halfway down.

He breathes in, and looks at Jamie with wide heavy eyes. “Pants.” He blurts out. He fishes into his pocket and gets them out awkwardly. “Like you said.”

Jamie suddenly holds at Robert’s arm and scoffs. “Uh yeah.” He says. “You left them round mine, in the bathroom.” Robert looks confused but nods his head and Aaron tries not to stand there with tears in his eyes.

Hot, angry, _devastated_ tears.

“So you two are —“

“What I said to you about being happy, putting yourself first, and all that mush. It was right.” Jamie nods. “Figured I should do the same, make sure I hang on to the important people.” He looks so happy. 

He just looks so happy.

Aaron can’t look at Robert. He just forces a smile and nods his head. “Well, well I’m glad.” He says. He’s not glad. He can’t be glad. 

“Aww cheers.” Jamie squeezes at Robert’s arm and then he leans over and gets the pants from Aaron. “I’ll take them. Sorry mate.”

He says sorry and Aaron just stares at him, he feels the tears building in his eyes but he keeps them at bay for both of their sakes. “Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.” He says.

Jamie nods, walks back towards Robert’s bedroom and Aaron feels this uncontrollable wave of jealously wash over him. Jamie’s blissfully, practically skipping back to the bed that Aaron fucked his boyfriend on just last night.

He closes his eyes for a second, hopes that when he opens them again, Robert won’t be standing there anymore. He is though, and he blinks quickly and still looks stunned.

“Aaron, I’m so—“

“I’m fine. Honest.” Aaron puffs his chest out and scoffs. “You two go back to ... I’ll see you.” He says, “Please forget what I said.” He says desperately and then he closes the door quietly and gets back into his car.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry :/


	6. You’re all I think about

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron struggles to forget before accidentally returning for Robert’s birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say that all the lovely comments and feedback from the last chapter was so very amazing and I’m so grateful for everyone who is reading!

Aaron rolls off the man and falls down on his back as he tries to catch his breath.

“That sort you out then?” He practically hears the bloke smirk and he doesn’t know what to do so instead he just nods.

He can’t remember his name. He thinks it’s Max’s.

“Can’t help but think it wasn’t me you were fucking.”

Aaron turns cold, looks at him and scowls. “Nah. Must have been the ghost in here.” He looks around the room and Max shakes his head.

“Very funny.” He says, and then he gulps hard and kicks Aaron’s leg. “I’m a good listener.”

Aaron brings one of the pillows down and crosses it over his stomach and he sighs. He’s met this bloke about two hours ago, they’d kissed in some club toilets and now they’re in some hotel.

He’s really fit, muscles and charm and for the brief half an hour they spent before jumping into bed he seemed decent.

So he starts speaking. “There’s a bloke.”

“Right.”

“Can’t be with him.” Aaron mumbles, voice barely there as he brings the covers up and hides his naked body. He feels all exposed and Max just gets up on his elbows and nods along like he actually cares.

“Let me guess, he’s straight?”

“No. He’s bi.” Aaron gulps. “That isn’t the problem.” Max frowns.

“So what is?”

“He’s with my best mate.” Aaron says, and he waits for Max to laugh or pull a face but instead he just blinks. So he carries on. “We slept together, they broke up and we slept together and it was — but then they worked it out.”

“So that’s why you’re here.” Max says, he looks around the room and Aaron nods. “He might feel the same as you.”

“He doesn’t.” Aaron scoffs. “And even if he did, I couldn’t do that to my mate.”

“So what do you do?” Max says, leans a little closer. “Apart from have sex with fit blokes you’ve just met?”

Aaron bites at his lip. “I don’t really know.” He says, and then he shakes his head and sighs. “Shall we forget I said anything?”

“If you want.” Max shrugs, and Aaron leans down to Max’s dick like magically a few more hours of forgetting Robert Sugden will make everything else magically disappear.

 

—

 

Not one thing disappears.

He becomes crazy with it, spends half his time around Adam’s and pretends like beating him on some stupid video game is the reason for it.

He hasn’t told him anything at all and for good reason too.

But Finn has a fucking big mouth. 

“You alright?” Aaron asks because Adam’s got a frown on his face when he answers the door. 

And it’s because of Aaron’s latest fuck up.

“I didn’t expect you to keep messing my cousin around you know.” Adam says, leaves the door open for Aaron to shut behind him.

“It wasn’t like that.” Aaron tries to say, but it doesn’t really matter because Adam plays him a voicemail of himself. Apparently he sent it to Finn the other night. It’s him going on about wanting to have a good time, that he’s sorry, and then he goes and mentions Robert doesn’t he? He says it’s his fault.

Adam stops it and then frowns. “What does that mean?”

“I was pissed Ad.”

“Has something happened between you and Robert?” Adam looks up and Aaron’s eyes dart about the place until the man tells him to leave if he isn’t going to tell him the truth. 

“I slept with him.”

It just spills out and he doesn’t catch it in time.

“You did what?”

“Him and ... him and Jamie had a fight. They were basically broken up —“

“ _Basically_?” Adam’s eyes flicker. “I can’t believe this.”

“Neither can I.” Aaron runs a hand across his hair. “But it happened.” He says nervously. “We both wanted it.”

“So he wants you, yeah?” Adam sounds confused, sounds angry and Aaron isn’t sure he has the right to be so fucking affronted. He shouldn’t be judging him. “But they’re back _together_.” He adds.

Aaron’s eyes flicker. “Exactly.” He says, he moves towards the wall and stays there. “So there’s no point in ruining that, is there?”

“No point? Aaron, you said you love him.”

“And I do but who cares?” Aaron frowns, he leans back into the wall. “What happened was …. it was ...” He remembers laughing, that giddy sort of chasing a feeling inside you sort of laughter as Robert writhed and moaned underneath him. He remembers bending down and kissing his cheek, his mouth, his nose, Robert nodding eagerly and showing his smile lines. “But they’re happy.”

“You asked him that?”

“I have eyes.”

“You slept together, it takes two you know? Maybe he —“

“It’d be worse if he did.” Aaron admits. “So much worse. Because it wouldn’t change anything. It _couldn’t_ change anything.” He hits his head lightly against the wall and then he sighs. “I just wish this wasn’t happening.”

Adam comes towards him and nods. “I think I know a way to fix that.”

 

—

 

Adam’s masterplan makes his head spin.

“How does me telling Jamie I slept with his boyfriend going to put _any_ of this right?” 

Adam is an idiot. He tries. But he’s a flipping idiot.

“You say it was a plan, that you were proving a point.”

“By having sex with —“

“Yeah, prove he’s a cheat. At least it’d get him away from you.” Adam tries, waves a hand out.

“And Jamie? He won’t give me a pat on the back. He’ll, he’ll hate me.”

Adam rubs a hand across his face. “So you’re going to be able to see him all the time yeah?” Aaron looks away.

“I don’t have a choice.”

Adam sighs. “Of course you have a choice man. You just don’t want to hear your options.”

“Yeah ‘cause surprisingly someone gets hurt in every single one!”

Adam goes to speak again and Aaron shakes his head. “So back off. If you tell Jamie, I swear I’ll never forgive you.”

 

—

 

He doesn’t mean to run into him but he does. Naturally he comes home for a change of clothes and he sees Robert coming out of Jamie’s room slowly.

At first Aaron tries to turn right back around but Robert tells him not to go. He says please. He makes Aaron’s eyes close and the he slowly turns back around and looks at him.

“I think I should.” Aaron says heavily. “Is Jamie ...”

“He’s just gone to work.” Robert sticks a hand in his pocket. “You’ve been ... you’ve hardly been here lately.”

Aaron shrugs. “Giving you two some space. You’ve just got back together.” 

“Are you going to tell him?” Robert blurts out, like he can’t keep it in anymore. The question ends up being too direct, it ends up making Aaron stand there for a second until he shakes his head.

“Why would I?”

“Get me out the way for sure.” He has the same logic as Adam. Brilliant.

“Jamie’d still hate me though wouldn’t he? I can’t have him hate me. No matter what ...”

“What?” Robert steps forward and Aaron sticks himself to the wall and doesn’t dare to move. “What you feel?”

“Robert. Shut up.”

Robert’s eyes flicker a little and Aaron suspects something. He looks soft. He looks soft on Aaron. He can see it in his eyes.

Maybe he’s remembering telling Aaron to shut up that night. Just before he kissed him, dragged him into bed.

Maybe.

“Jamie told me about his ex.” Robert whispers. He shakes his head and sighs. “Twat.”

Aaron nods. “Massive one yeah.”

“I can’t cheat on him.”

“You _have_.” Aaron says and then he understands what he’s saying. He means he can’t do it again, they can’t do it again. This can’t become a _thing_ , some sort of affair or anything even close to that. For a second he dares to imagine it, hotel rooms and jumping beds around here, giggling into kisses and then feeling guilty as soon as they’re done. “Oh.” His breathing becomes loose.

Robert steps away a little. “I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t cheat, I don’t lie. I can’t do it to him.” He speaks so matter of fact, this hand of his is chopping through the air and Aaron gulps hard around it, around the fact that he knows that he’s hiding something deeper.

“Of course.”

All these morals have appeared out of nowhere but how is he supposed to be annoyed at him? He’s doing the _right_ thing. He is though.

“I’m a different person now. Jamie’s good.” It sounds a lot like a mantras

Aaron frowns. “Yeah I know that but that can’t be the only reason you’re with him.” He says passionately. “He’s not just there to make you feel better about yourself, you’re _past_.”

Robert suddenly look annoyed, the softness, that _shyness_ that was there a second ago is replaced with the one Aaron knows and loves. Fuck. _Loves_. “I know that. I’m not saying that. Don’t twist it.” He frowns. “I’m not —“

“Because he deserves better.”

“Better than you as a best mate yeah?” Robert says, Aaron winces slightly.

“I feel terrible.” Aaron whispers, tears in his eyes. “I’ve had to live like this for months and you have the nerve to —“

“Months?” Robert sounds stunned, his face says it all really.

Aaron turns to leave again and Robert stops him, he holds at his arm and shakes his head. “I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry.” He says, Aaron nearly forgets what he’s apologising for but he dips his head against it and nods.

When he looks up Robert’s still holding onto his arm and Aaron stares up at him in silence. The only thing he can hear is the sound of their breathing.

He dips his head up, feels his lips brush against Robert’s and they both close their eyes until Robert backs away. He wipes a hand across his mouth and it fucking hurts.

“I can’t ...”

“You going to jump into bed with Jamie now?” Aaron sounds venomous, he reeks of fucking jealously and Robert looks up at him. His eyes widen a little.

“He’s my ...”

“Boyfriend yeah, I get that. How can I not fucking get that?” Aaron shudders. “I tried suppressing it though didn’t I? That night.” He closes his eyes. “Come the morning there was no point.”

It was useless because Robert was back in Jamie’s arms.

“I didn’t want to ...”

“Hurt me?” Aaron’s mouth twitches. “I’m not.” He dares to say.

“Aaron, you don’t have to lie to me. I heard what you —“

Aaron’s face turns bright red. “I told you to forget what I said.”

Robert pulls a face. “Because it’s _that_ easy.”

“Because I said too.” Aaron erupts and he gets right up in Robert’s face again, he’s so close and he doesn’t get why he closes his eyes so quickly but he does. He leans in and closes his eyes like he wants to kiss him, rip his clothes off again, let Robert pin him against the wall whilst they embrace.

But as he puts his hand on Robert’s arm, he seems to come to his senses or something because he looks up and then moves away. He feels that sudden sense of guilt gnawing away at him.

He feels terrible for so many reasons now, because Robert nearly died and he realised that it wasn’t just lust. Yet all of that is still _there_ , he still wants to absolutely rip his clothes off, spend time with him too.

He wants all of him, he knows that, it’s fucking terrifying. 

“I think I should go.” Robert looks around for his jacket and Aaron decides to say what he does without even really thinking.

“I’m going.” He says.

“No, I will. It’s your flat.”

“I mean I’m going away. On holiday.” Aaron says. “Need to get away from everything.” Apparently that’s set in stone now and not just floating around in his mind. 

Robert plays with his car keys, he looks punctured. “From me?”

“From everything.” Aaron says vaguely, makes the point of waving his arm out awkwardly.

“Because of what happened?”

Aaron huffs. “Because of how I feel about you _yeah_ , how guilty I am.” He looks away and gulps. “It’s for the best.”

Robert doesn’t say anything for the longest time, he just stands there awkwardly and then shudders. “Maybe.”

And there’s a small part of him, there really is, this small part that hopes that Robert will stop him.

He’ll do the whole romantic running to the airport thing and they’ll sort it out somehow.

Of course that doesn’t happen. Aaron packs a bag, lies a bit more to Jamie and then he sits on a plane and ignores Adam’s calls.

He tries not to cry.

 

—

 

He ends up in Ibiza of course, one of his mates put him up in their beach hut and he spends nearly a whole week getting pissed and listening to shit music.

He gets some idiot’s attention when it passes twelve one night. He asks if he’s single, so blunt and direct and Aaron says no when he should say yes.

It’s not like he means it. He just sees Robert’s face and he can’t get passed it.

So he leans away, shakes his head a little and the idiot takes the hint. “I’m not interested.”

“Is the bloke interested in you, ‘cause I don’t see him around here.”

It’s not that it’s horrible or over stepping the mark. It’s just a fact. Only that makes it so much worse.

So he punches him, and he gets dragged out the club by some bouncers and spends his last night on the beach looking at Robert’s stupid face on Jamie’s Instagram. 

 

—

 

He comes back because he has to, because Debbie’s his cousin but she’s also got a business to keep running.

He dumps his bags at home before putting in a shift at work and everything is going great until he gets home and everyone’s shouting at him.

“Surprise!”

He shakes a little as he sees Jamie in a party hat, Adam holding onto a balloon and some other friends of theirs. Well, Jamie’s friends. And then some blokes in business suits.

“What the —“

“Aaron mate, you’re back!” Adam sounds over the moon and Aaron blushes against it. He’s been missed then. He hates how his eyes dart all over the place and search for Robert. 

He thought he’d be by Jamie’s side. 

“Got back this morning.” Aaron says awkwardly. “What’s all this?”

“Robert’s birthday surprise.” Jamie sighs hard. “Only, he’s not shown yet.” He takes off his hat and shakes his head. “Do you think he’s twigged?” 

Some guy in a suit mentions something about Robert leaving on time and not knowing where he might be and Aaron really doesn’t need this.

It’s his birthday then. Something flickers through him.

“How comes it’s here?” Aaron frowns darkly. “I mean ...”

“Are you mad? I didn’t know when you’d be back.” Jamie says, he looks worried and Aaron just has to shake his head.

“Course not.” Only Adam’s looking straight at him. He doesn’t pull away.

Aaron scratches an eyebrow and looks towards the door. “I think ... my mum wanted to see me actually.” He lies, he tries to come up with something until Jamie genuinely screams.

Like proper has a hand across his face and shaking his head.

“This isn’t the right one.” Jamie flaps.

He’s bought the wrong cake. Apparently Robert really likes lemon and this one is red velvet.

“This is so wrong.”

“Mate. Chill out.” Adam holds back the way he’s trying to laugh but Jamie is adamant that this birthday means a lot to Robert.

“Everyone out. For now. Everyone wait ... just outside.”

“You’re not serious.” This uptight looking idiot holding a beer tuts and everyone looks at him.

“You heard him. Out.” Aaron waves a hand and starts forcing people out the door. “Come back when Jamie’s sorted it.”

“Thanks Aaron.” Jamie says. He squeezes at Aaron’s arm and Aaron feels guilt run through him. “I’ll go and get him his cake.” He smiles and runs out the room and Aaron just stares around the room.

He looks and sees Adam still standing there.

“How have you been?” He says, puts a hand in his pocket.

“Fine.” Aaron says. He blinks out and then sighs. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I do though. You just went.”

“I had to.” Aaron blurts out and then takes it back. “I mean I wanted to. Go help Jamie.” He tries to smile and Adam backs towards the door. 

Aaron looks around the place. The banners are hanging everywhere and he thinks of Robert. It’s his birthday.

He doesn’t even know how old he is but he loves him. How the heck does that even work out?

He picks up a cocktail sausage, pops it in his mouth and then he hears the door go again. 

“Ad don’t worry about your keys.” He spins around and sees Robert standing there with his eyes wide open.

“What’s all this?” Robert dodges a balloon and Aaron hides his face for a second and then Robert gulps hard as if he’s just realised that Aaron’s stood in front of him. “You’re — you’re back.” He has half a smile on his face as and Aaron soaks him in. He looks good. He looks really good.

“Looks like it.” Aaron bites his lip nervously and Robert leans forward before moving away again. “Happy birthday.”

“Is that why you came back?” Robert asks tentatively and Aaron shakes his head.

“I didn’t know.” Aaron blurts out suddenly. “This — it’s Jamie’s doing not mine.” He scratches his head.

“Obviously.”

“Yeah obviously.”

Robert nods a little and then frowns. “I told him I wanted something low key.” He sticks a hand in his pocket and Aaron admires what he’s wearing. A burgundy suit like he owns the place. He owns something, that’s for sure. Aaron breathes in deeply and then shudders.

“You know what Jamie’s like.” Aaron shrugs and Robert stares right at him.

“You look good.” He says and they were never friends, not proper ones anyway so all of this is weird. The complimenting, the small talk. But Aaron can’t go just yet because he said he’d stay and wait for Jamie to sort out the mammoth problem he had.

He nods a little.

“Where did you end up?”

“Ibiza.” Aaron says, and his heart does something weird when Robert’s nose wrinkles. He doesn’t understand how to make it stop. “Anyway, this is a surprise so ... act surprised when Jamie gets back yeah?” 

Robert looks around and then scratches his head nervously. “I didn’t think he’d do any of this, not after ...” he pauses long enough for Aaron to know it’s on purpose.

“After what?”

Robert gulps. “He said he loved me and I didn’t say it back.” He looks guilty as he says it and Aaron hides his face immediately.

It’s his fault.

“Robert ...”

“Some guy came here for you, you know. Max? He took one look at me and asked if I was _the_ guy.” Aaron instantly blushes. “He said I shouldn’t mess you around.”

“He shouldn’t have said that.” Aaron says quickly. “He’s just ...”

“You two together?” Aaron goes to speak and Robert nods. “Just fucking?” He suddenly sounds angry, but it’s more than that.

Aaron turns bright red. “That doesn’t have anything to do with you. Look, I had to tell someone.”

“Because it’s all about you.” Robert says suddenly, he’s cracking, only Aaron didn’t expect him to. “How about how _I_ feel?” He looks so angry, so hurt and Aaron doesn’t understand.

“Robert ...”

“Jamie loves me and I don’t love him.” Robert says, he almost hits his head and the hand hovers there in the air for a second whilst he stares at Aaron. “This is all your fault.”

It stuns Aaron for a second or two and then he shakes his head. “That’s not fair.”

“You _hate_ me one second and then you kiss me the next. You — you’ve messed everything up.”

Aaron frowns slightly, he wants to keep his emotions in check, he doesn’t want them to spill over and become entrenched in all of this but he remembers seeing Robert standing half dressed and he boils over.

It’s all he was thinking about in Ibiza. Robert with Jamie straight after being with him.

“How? I leave and then you jumped into bed with him!” Aaron’s voice cracks doesn’t it? He shakes his head and he tries to keep calm. “You and him ... after me and ... and you.”

He can’t even get his words out properly.

Robert looks stunned.

“You just really horny and couldn’t help yourself?”

Robert’s eyes flicker. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like?” Aaron blurts out and when Robert goes to speak, he stops him. “I don’t even want to know.”

“You said we should forget it.” Robert looks deep in thought like he’s trying to process things. “You said that ... you just couldn’t wait to get out the door.”

Aaron knows that, he bites his lip and shudders against it.

“And now you say all of _this_? You’re messing with my head.” 

Aaron blinks quickly. “I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t change what you feel for me.”

“It shouldn’t matter if —“

“Of course it fucking does. It changes _everything_ you _idiot_.” Robert’s close enough to push at Aaron’s shoulder and it knocks Aaron towards the wall. He stares up, confused and sorry and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say. “Because I — because that night was ... and you’re ...” Robert doesn’t finish the sentence, but it doesn’t matter because Aaron’s stopped listening.

Robert’s close enough to kiss.

That’s all that matters.

“Robert, I’m sorry for —“

“Just don’t say anything.” Robert pleads, and then he’s leaning in and he’s kissing Aaron. He’s holding his face and taking his time and it makes Aaron think that he actually wants to.

Like he’s sober and ready to be honest.

Like it’s okay. 

Only it isn’t.

Because the door flys open and everyone’s shouting surprise lamely because of course they’ve already seen Robert’s car outside and know he can see all the balloons and —

Robert’s lips are still on Aaron’s.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the cliffhanger there!


	7. You’re ruining everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron deal with the fall out of the latest events

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mammoth chapter coming your way right here!!

 

At first no one says anything at all. Robert’s hands hang loose against Aaron’s face and he smiles at him tentatively before he registers the noise and he turns around slowly.

His hands drop down and Aaron instantly has tears in his eyes because of Jamie’s face. He looks completely broken.

“How — could ya?” Jamie’s eyes flicker and Aaron keeps his head down and then raises it to see Jamie shaking his head and the cake he’s holding suddenly drops. He backs away slightly and some people gasp like that’s the shocking thing.

“Jamie.” Robert rubs a hand across his face like it’s enough to get rid of what’s just happened. “I can explain.”

“You just _kissed_ my best mate.” Jamie shouts, he really shouts and Aaron jumps a little as he hears it. “I just saw you kissing ... you kissed _Aaron_? It doesn’t make any sense.”

Aaron keeps his head down and then he looks towards Adam. He sees that he’s shaking his head slowly. He looks disappointed in him and he can’t exactly blame him.

“I ... Jamie ...” Robert’s voice wavers slightly but Jamie’s already looking at Aaron.

“You were right.” Jamie sniffs. “All along. He’s a cheat, he _kissed_ ya. God. He just kissed ya and ...” He sounds sorry, as if he’s sorry Aaron’s been caught up in Robert’s dickish ways. It doesn’t make sense. Only it would to Jamie wouldn’t it? Because clearly the idea of Aaron betraying him too is unfathomable.

“Jamie.” Aaron can’t let him be so naive. It’s always been the problem. 

Some of the guests start leaving when Jamie starts picking up pieces of the lemon cake and throwing it at Robert, narrowly missing Aaron who darts away a little.

“You _prick_.” Jamie shouts. Aaron’s never seen him so angry. It makes him want to run, hide, but instead he stands in front of Robert as if to shield him.

“It just happened.” Aaron blurts out. “He wasn’t ...” 

“Thinking?” Jamie snaps. “It all makes sense now.” He says slowly, eyes flickering. “How could he say he loves me _back_ when he can’t even be bothered to not cheat on me?”

Aaron feels the world spin around him. He wills his mouth to open but it stays shut and Robert’s head hangs loose. 

“Look, you’re not even _denying_ it.” Jamie wills Robert to speak. 

“I’m sorry.” He doesn’t say it was a mistake, he doesn’t say he didn’t mean it or that Aaron’s kissed him before. Aaron’s fucked him before this. He doesn’t say anything other than that he’s sorry. “Jamie, I never meant to hurt you.”

Jamie sniffs. “Well done.” He slaps a hand down and Aaron sees that Adam’s still hanging by the doorway awkwardly. “Because I’m _ecstatic_ now.” He shakes his head and looks at Aaron. “You always said didn’t you? That he’d hurt me, it would end badly. I just didn’t know it would be with you.”

Aaron’s mouth gapes open.

“Why him?” Jamie asks Robert bluntly. “Why kiss my best friend?”

Robert looks at Aaron and Aaron instantly looks towards the floor. “Because I’m a screw up.”

Aaron wants to hug him, he wants to tell him that it’s okay, that he isn’t this terrible person that he thinks he is. But instead he just stands very still and watches like a coward. 

“So you kissed him ‘cause you wanted rid of me?”

Robert sighs. “No but ... it just ...” he struggles to find the words.

“God if he was up for it you’d have gone even further.” Jamie says, eyes beady as he looks at Aaron. “Because you’re incapable of not being a cheat!”

Robert’s head hangs slightly. “Yeah.” It’s not true, Aaron isn’t going to pretend like he knows all of Robert but he doesn’t think that it’s true. “Maybe.”

Jamie laughs bitterly. “Well cheers for clearing that up.” He says. “Get out.” 

“Jamie.” Robert trips on the name.

“Have a great rest of the day. I never want to see you again.” Jamie rubs a hand across his cheek, tears falling as he looks away from Robert.

Robert looks at Aaron as if he’s waiting for him to tell the truth. Maybe he wants them to walk out together. But maybe he hates Aaron. 

He goes quietly. He has his head down and he stares at Adam by the door before he closes it shut and gets down the stairs.

Only when the noise fades out does he start crying. He breaks down and Aaron’s hands hover over his frame until Jamie’s crushing into his arms. 

“Why did he kiss ya?”

Aaron stills.

“I’m not having a go, but —“ Jamie leans away and frowns. “I just don’t get it.” 

Aaron goes to speak, he feels Adam just fucking standing there like a ghost. He sees him shaking his head at him. 

But Jamie sighs hard. “At least I’ve still got you.” He says. “He kissed ya and he’s a dick but I’ve got you.” He’s still crying and Aaron’s heart breaks.

“Jamie, you’re my best mate.” He says, decides that it isn’t a liar and so he can say it. “I’m so sorry.” He blurts out, he holds onto Jamie and watches Adam suddenly look angry and leave.

 

—

 

Jamie’s a mess. He’s crying his eyes out and stuffing his face with ice cream and Aaron’s out to get supplies.

He’s in the carpark of Asda when he feels a hand against his shoulder and sees Robert standing there.

“Thought you’d never leave.” Robert explains. He’s still wearing his suit but his tie has become loose and his hair is a little out of place. His eyes dart a bit and Aaron tries not to blush at the thought of Robert following him here just so they can talk. 

“Jamie’s needed me.” Aaron bites at his lip. “He’s a mess.”

Robert closes his eyes.

“Bet you’re having a great birthday.” Aaron whispers, and Robert instantly raises his head.

“Vic was going to meet him today. Good thing she got held up. I had to tell her not to bother, because I’m a screw up.” Robert shakes his head awkwardly, “This is so bad.”

Aaron gulps. “Because you’re a cheat again?” He says quickly. “Is that all you care about? Jamie _loves_ you.” 

“Yeah I know that.” Robert blurts out. “Don’t you think I know that? But I can’t do anything about that.”

“And I can’t do anything about this.” Aaron keeps his head down. “You know that right?”

He doesn’t say it outright. He doesn’t really need to because Robert’s eyes flicker and he suddenly looks deflated.

“You know I wish I did, feel the same as him.” Robert says slowly. “It would be easier.” He says.

“Easier than ...” Aaron remembers his own words, his own ideas. He remembers thinking that anything was easier than pretending he didn’t feel the way he did about Robert. 

Robert blushes, but he doesn’t say anything else and Aaron is almost grateful for the lack of clarification. He doesn’t want to hear anything else. 

“You know Jamie came back ... before you ... came in and he said he wanted me.” Aaron didn’t even remember seeing Jamie leave, he doesn’t want to think about them two like that just hours after Robert and him. “He said uh ... that he’d been thinking about me but all I was thinking about was you.” 

“Robert, don’t.”

Robert closes his eyes and looks like he’s in pain. “But we still, ‘cause I thought you didn’t care ...” Aaron looks away, hates how untrue it all is. “And it didn’t feel the same as with you.”

Aaron freezes around the confession. “Comparing notes were ya?”

Robert suddenly scowls. “You know that’s not what I meant.” He snaps. “It didn’t compare Aaron, I couldn’t ... even try to compare it.”

He’s saying all this _shit_ and Aaron can’t hear any of it.

“I need to go back to ...”

Robert’s like Aaron, he hardly opens up about his feelings ever and yet Aaron has just kicked all of his feelings to the curb like they don’t matter at all. That’s what he’s done.

Robert’s eyes suddenly darken. “So that’s how it is? You destroy everything and then you get away with it?”

“If Jamie found out that —“

Robert has a hand on his hip that falls slowly. “That it wasn’t just me kissing you, that we had sex. Or that you have feelings for me.”

It’s weird, it sounds bitter in Robert’s mouth. 

Aaron looks away. “He can’t know. I have to put him first.”

Robert kicks the ground. Aaron wonders if this has ever happened to him before, rejection, or whatever. It probably hasn’t, he’s got too much going for him, the looks and the personality and everything. “Noble Aaron Dingle.” He says sarcastically. 

“Don’t you think this is hard for me?”

Robert sighs hard. “You, you, _you_.” He shouts loudly and Aaron falls back against it a little. He leans out to hold Robert’s face but gets pushed away. He ends up brushing against his own car and Robert looks like he has tears in his eyes. “Thank you, so much, for absolutely ruining my life.”

Aaron blinks, he has tears in his eyes and he frowns. “Robert, hang on.” Because Robert’s turning away already and he doesn’t want him to.

“You should have stayed away.” He turns sharply, and Aaron sees that his face is wet with tears. They glisten because the moon is out. Aaron thinks about what would have happened if he stayed in Ibiza for even a day longer.

He’d come back on Robert’s birthday without even meaning to. It was meant to happen. The thought flickers through him and then dies as Robert shakes his head.

“ _I’ll_ stay away now though.” He sounds so adamant and Aaron can’t do anything about it as Robert walks off. His feet come close to following him, thoughts of Robert alone on his birthday are able to make his heart ache.

But then he thinks about Jamie. Alone with Bridget Jones playing and ice cream melting against the good cushions. 

He’s needed there. So he’ll go.

He likes to think he’s still loyal like that.

 

— 

On top of dealing with ruining a relationship, Adam’s not talking to him either and it’s only making him feel worse.

He slopes off to the cafe on his lunch break and catches Adam coming out, only he walks straight past him and Aaron has to grab him back.

“Please Ad, not you as well.” He walks quickly to catch him up. “I don’t know what to do.”

“You’re still lying to him.” Adam snaps. “It’s been days and he thinks you’re still all supportive and the best mate he’s ever had.” He shakes his head.

“How can I tell him? He’d have ... he’d be _gutted_.”

Adam shrugs. “Bet Robert is.” He says.

Aaron bristles. He hasn’t heard from him since Robert said he’d stay away for good but it hasn’t stopped him thinking about him every single minute. “Don’t ... mention him.”

“Too hard for you?” 

“No. It’s just Jamie’s spending a lot of time crying over him and it’s making it worse.”

“Because it’s all about you.”

Aaron thinks about Robert’s own words, and it stings. He comes closer and hisses. “I love him Adam.” He says. He frowns and Adam looks away for a second. “And I had to throw that away. Pretend like him and me didn’t —“

“You weren’t anything Aaron. Doesn’t him staying away from you prove that.”

Aaron’s eyes flicker and he realises he hasn’t exactly been honest. “I told him to. Because it’s for the best.” He gulps hard and Adam sighs again. He’s always been like this when Jamie hasn’t, completely unafraid to call Aaron out on his stupidity.

“For who? _You_?”

Aaron’s head dips.

“You just let him take the fall, you stood there and let him —“

“You said I should do that!” Aaron shouts. “Remember your master plan?”

“Remember how Robert didn’t dob you in it?” Adam shouts back. “Things change. Maybe I realised he isn’t a total chancer.” 

Aaron doesn’t like what he’s saying.

“Maybe he does care about you.”

It’s too much to even think about. He doesn’t even understand what Adam is trying to do exactly. 

“Don’t ... don’t say that.”

Adam rolls his eyes. “I was waiting for him to worm his way out of it.” He snaps. “To blame you, to try and say it was a mistake but he didn’t. He didn’t choose him.”

Aaron’s head starts filling. He can’t find the right way to breathe and it panics him slightly. “Don’t say it like ... like he chose me.”

Because he didn’t, he _didn’t_ did he?

“Well he hardly fought for Jamie.”

Aaron stays silent for a second and then he shakes his head. “Trust me. We’re done. It’s — like you said, we weren’t anything to begin with.” It hurts, to crush what he feels down, what they meant to him down, into one single night. It was more than that. It was the looks and the near kisses days before and after. “But me and Jamie, he’s like a brother.”

Adam scowls. “Wake up Aaron, you can’t just _bury_ this until it doesn’t exist anymore. Jamie will _always_ remember this happened, can you really just live with yourself like this?” 

But he has to. He’s finally sorting out those priorities and he won’t be wasting any more time loving someone who he can’t love.

 

—

 

He passes by the park on his way home, he needs a shower and there’s a heavy weight pressing down on his chest that Adam put there with all his mithering.

He passes the small pond and then notices someone sitting on the bench, legs outstretched, holding a sandwich.

He instantly knows who it is.

Robert looks up, looks startled and goes to get up.

“Don’t leave because of me.” Aaron says. Really because he wants to look at Robert and see if he’s doing well, better than he is anyway. He turns slowly and sees the bags underneath his eyes. Clearly he hasn’t been sleeping then.

“I’m due back anyway.” Robert says, he starts walking and Aaron follows him. 

“But you were eating in the park because ...”

“It’s not nice when all your work colleagues know you’re a dirty cheat. You know like the worst kind.” Robert chucks the rest of his sandwich in the bin and Aaron looks like he’s about to speak only he bottles it.

He wants to hug Robert, that much is true. He has an arm just hovering a little and then he shakes the feeling out of his head and lets it drop.

“They’ll get over it.”

“Jamie won’t.” Robert says quickly. “Good thing he has you though, the loyal best friend. God, if he knew ...”

“Well he won’t will he?” Aaron snaps. “So just ... stick to what you said and stay clear okay?”

He doesn’t mean it. He watches Robert’s face harden against it and he sighs. “Robert I didn’t ...”

But Robert’s already half way down the pavement.

 

—

 

Jamie looks up when Aaron comes in and he doesn’t look as sad he did the day before. He even offers to make Aaron tea.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I’ve hardly been fun have I?” Jamie says awkwardly. “But I swear, I’m not going to be feeling sorry for myself anymore.” He almost smiles and Aaron sits down next to him on the sofa. 

“Well uh ... that’s good.” 

Jamie makes them Shepard’s pie and they talk about going travelling together. They laugh about old stories and for a while it feels like neither of them love Robert at all.

But then Jamie goes and says something. He smiles faintly. “I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t around.”

“Jamie.” Aaron starts. He can’t hear this, he doesn’t want to hear about Robert because that way, it’s like he hasn’t been able to get between them. He wants to keep up a pretence and he doesn’t care how badly Adam thinks it is. “Don’t be stupid.”

“I’m not.” Jamie turns to Aaron on the sofa and nods. “You’ve been such a good mate. He kissed ya and you still ... some blokes would have ...” Aaron freezes and Jamie laughs. “You’re just a good mate.”

He leans closer to hug Aaron but suddenly Aaron pulls away.

“Don’t.”

“What? I’m only hugging ya don’t make it —“

“Jamie I’m not a good mate.” Aaron’s voice is hardly there, in fact it fades out near the end as he speaks.

“Why would you say that? Of course you —“ but Aaron just shakes his head and there’s tears in his eyes. He closes his eyes and sees Robert, tugging at his belt, kissing him gently. He can’t do this forever can he? Adam was right. He can’t still be doing this. “Aaron?” He presses. He’s suddenly the strong one and Aaron can’t handle it.

“Me and ...”

“No.” Jamie gets in there so quickly, he laughs. “You’re joking but this isn’t funny.”

“I —“

“You what?” Jamie says angrily, keeps blinking as he watches Aaron try and get his words out. “You kissed each other? You ...”

“I never meant to hurt you.” Aaron says suddenly. “You’ve got to believe me.”

“Believe you?” Jamie suddenly gets up from the sofa, he looks disgusted, he looks weak. “I don’t even get what you’re ...”

“It just happened.” Aaron bites at his lip. “We were _drunk_ and — you were over so —“

The colour drains from Jamie’s face, he has tears falling hard and he rubs them away angrily. “No.” He shakes his head. “No, you wouldn’t do that to me.”

“I’m so sorry.” Aaron’s voice is weak, he tries to lean forward but Jamie pushes him away.

“How long?”

“What — what do you —“

Jamie frowns. “Have you been _fucking_ my boyfriend!”

“Jamie it happened once.” He says quickly.

“Did you use any ... protection?” Jamie asks, his eyes flicker over Aaron’s face and he looks mortified.

Aaron looks away, they didn’t. They were too —

“Nice and passionate then.” Jamie scoffs.

“It was just ... he regretted it. The next day he got back with you, you sorted it.”

“So him kissing you, what was that then? He just _fell_ on your mouth?”

Aaron closes his eyes. “He ... I don’t know.”

“You would have carried on though right? If I hadn’t ruined it.” 

Aaron gulps hard around the lump in his throat and desperately wants to say he wouldn’t have but he can’t. He’s thinking of what could have happened, he’s thinking of the small smile on Robert’s face as he pulled away from kissing him, that happiness. He didn’t regret it for a second and maybe that would have been enough to drag him into his bed. “Please don’t ...”

“Don’t _what_?” Jamie rubs a hand across his face. “It doesn’t make any sense.” He mumbles, he’s pacing like he’s some detective and Aaron can only sit and watch. “You hate him. You did _everything_ you could to ...”

Aaron looks up, and Jamie shudders.

“That was the plan wasn’t it? All along. Distract me, and then you _swoop_ in.” 

Aaron stands abruptly. “No. No _way_ , Jamie I hated him. I hated him because I wanted to protect you. I know his type, I never meant to fall for him.” 

Jamie suddenly stops, mouth half open. “Fall for him?” 

And maybe he thought this was all a moment of madness sort of thing. If fucking only.

“You ... do you love him? You love him. You _love_ him.” Jamie says, he seems to say it over and over again and Aaron tries to block it out but he can’t. “You wouldn’t do this if you didn’t.” He’s just shaking his head and he can’t deny it can he?

“I don’t mean to.”

“You don’t mean to?” Jamie frowns, he wipes at his face again. “You haven’t just got in the wrong _bus_ Aaron. You’ve fallen in love with _my_ boyfriend.”

“I hate myself.” Aaron whispers. “You can’t hate me anymore than I hate myself.” 

“That’s you all over though isn’t it? Hating yourself. You turn it on yourself so no one else can be angry at you. Time and time again.”

Aaron catches his tears and that manages to break something in his chest. He’s drawing on their history. It’s totally fair but still.

“Jamie, please. It just ... one minute I hated his guts and the next I ...”

“Fell into bed with him.”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“How was it like? Good right?” Jamie’s not this guy, he’s sensitive and kind and shy about sex. Aaron hates what he’s made him like. He suddenly shakes his head again. “I told you I think I love him.” He says cooly. “Did you sleep with after that? After you knew I ...”

Aaron closes his eyes and nods. “You said it was over.” 

“I still cared about him though!” Jamie holds at his chest. “You saw me, I was a _mess_.”

“I’d been fighting it for so long. And he was ... he ...”

“Does he feel the same?” Aaron closes his eyes around the question. “Answer me.” 

“No.” Aaron says quickly. “That’s why I went to Ibiza so quickly. Because I couldn’t stand to see you two ... happy knowing that I’d ruined that. You’ve got to believe that, I’ve been torturing myself over this. It’s not been easy.”

“Poor you.” Jamie sniffs and then shakes his head. “Why _him_?” He sounds like he’s in pain. 

And it’s good question really. Aaron just stares a little because he doesn’t have a good answer. He doesn’t have an answer and yet at the same time he has so many reasons, he’s overflowing with reasons really. It shouldn’t make any sense but it does.

“Yeah he’s _fit_ , fittest I’ve ever had. I knew I was punching ...” 

“Don’t say that.” Aaron says quickly.

“But you could have anyone you want.” Jamie whispers slowly. He hugs himself a little and blinks. “Always has been that way, but me, when’s the last time someone made me happy?”

He’s always been the unlucky in love one, Aaron’s had his pick for the taking despite him never wanting to see it like that. It’s true.

“I know.”

“But you didn’t care.” Jamie snaps. “I know you break whoever’s heart you want but I never thought you’d do it to me.” He says, sounding honest and broken at the same time. “Not me.” 

Aaron steps forward. “I can’t help how I _feel_.” He says. “But he’s gone now, he’s not here fighting for me is he? Because it was a quick fumble for him and then he got back with _you_.” He waves a hand out and tries to ignore Adam’s words at the back of his mind.

“He kissed ya Aaron.” Up until yesterday it’s almost plausible to make out all of this is one sided. Aaron tries to push through it, almost desperately.

He rubs a hand across his face. “But it meant nothing.” 

“You don’t know that.” Jamie looks up towards the ceiling. “You should be glad. You’ve finally found someone you love.” Jamie rubs at his face again and Aaron stops him from leaving.

“Nothing is ever going to happen.” He’s not going to say he hasn’t imagined it, because he has, especially when he was almost mesmerised into kissing him. He saw a lot. He saw way too much. 

“What? You’ve chosen me? How noble of you.”

“Mate.”

“I’m not your mate. You’re not mine. So get out and leave me alone.”

Aaron’s face falls against the words, and Jamie pushes past him fast enough to make him wince.

 

—

 

It’s later than he thought and he instantly regrets showing up at Adam’s when he does but he can’t turn away. Jamie packed him a bag, he was throwing in everything he came across and pushed Aaron out the door and now he’s waiting for Adam to open up.

He’s praying he will.

The door does eventually open, he has a frown on his face and he looks worried and Aaron just starts sobbing like an idiot.” 

“Ad I’ve ruined everything.” His chin wobbles and Adam catches him, he holds him close and then lets him inside and ends up passing him a bottle of beer and telling him to start talking. 

“He knows.”

Adam closes his eyes and sighs.

“I couldn’t keep lying to him could I? He thinks I’m his best mate, that I’m _good_ , honest.” Aaron scoffs, he has a hand across his face and he sighs slowly. “I’m _not_.” 

“You made ...”

“It wasn’t a mistake though was it? Because I’d do it again.” Aaron looks up. “I’d have it back with me, in my bed, or not ... in a shot.” 

“Aaron, you ...”

“I’ve ruined Jamie.” Aaron says. He takes a long swig of the beer and then sighs. “He’ll never trust anyone again and that’s down to me.”

He remembers Jamie’s face, the shock and the disappointment.

“He’ll get over it. Eventually. He’ll ...”

“What? Forgive me?” Aaron shakes his head. “He hates me.” He gulps and then looks at Adam. “You know he said all this .... stuff and he was right. I’m selfish. Who falls for the best mate’s boyfriend?” He pulls a face and then looks at Adam. “I let him take all the blame too didn’t I?” 

Adam closes his eyes. “Then you were honest.” 

“It took me a bit though didn’t it?” He sighs hard. “So I’ve lost my best mate and ...” he scoffs. “Never even had Robert.”

“You don’t know what’s in his head.”

He sort of does actually, he just doesn’t want to think about it, sit and join those dots together. He prefers it like this, all tangled and messy.

“But I know what I have to do. It doesn’t matter Adam, it doesn’t matter that Jamie knows now or Robert does actually ... see me as something. We can’t _ever_ be like that.”

“So your life goes on pause until Jamie what? Doesn’t want to throw a brick at your head anymore? Life’s too short mate.”

It stings. But Aaron just pulls a face.

“He’s not putting my life on hold. God you’re so dramatic ...” He goes to get up and Adam pushes him back down again.

“I think we both know he is. You’re not moving on from. No matter what you say.” And Adam needs to just learn to keep his mouth closed, he only ever manages to make it worse.

“We can’t Adam.” Aaron whispers, practically shudders as he speaks. “I have to get a grip, get over it.” He decides. “For Jamie’s sake, and mine.”

Adam scratches his knee, looks unconvinced and Aaron has tears in his eyes again.

“I just didn’t want him to hate me. Or Robert.” He remembers Robert’s angry face, a ruined birthday, his own thoughts and feelings being suppressed by Aaron. “I didn’t want this.”

Adam pulls him closer into a hug and Aaron tries to breathe against how heavy everything feels inside.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter left, and lots will happen. I always love reading your thoughts so thanks so much for always leaving such lovely stuff!


	8. You’re all mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron reconciles his relationships and struggles to choose between his head and heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s the last chapter and it’s been long awaited so please enjoy!

He spends a few days at Adam’s until he goes back for some more of his stuff. He’s pretty sure Jamie’s working and he’s thankful because he doesn’t want another run in.

He doesn’t expect to see Robert waiting outside the flat when he parks up. A part of him wants to stay in the car, wait him out until he goes away.

He’s probably here for Jamie.

It stings when he thinks about it. He wonders for a second how he would feel if they did get back together. Stranger things have happened he supposes. His thoughts manage to die though when he sees that Robert is walking away from the flat.

He’s clearly giving up.

It somehow makes Aaron get out the car. The noise alerts Robert and he stares up at him awkwardly.

“Jamie’s not in.” Aaron says. “And even if he was, doubt he’d want to speak to you.”

“I — I left my watch here.” Robert says tentatively. “I need it.” He doesn’t have the flash leather jacket on or anything, he’s stripped back to some white shirt and jeans and yet he still looks more than just a little attractive. Aaron really wants to hate him.

“Now?” Aaron shakes his head and Robert says it’s important so he follows him inside and gets it for him. He passes it over and sighs. “Now you should go.”

Robert nods. “Couldn’t help but notice your bag in the car.” Aaron can’t look at him. “Are you going away again?”

And Aaron supposes there’s no harm in him knowing is there. He goes into his room and starts getting more of his things and then he comes back out again with a small frown on his face. “He knows.” He says.

It makes Robert’s eyes widen. He doesn’t say a word and Aaron shuffles him towards the door and down towards the lobby until they’re outside again.

“How?” Robert finally says as Aaron goes to get into his car. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah I know. I did.” Aaron looks up and then down again. “Hence the ... bag.” He says. He wonders how much longer this will go on for, if Jamie’s planning on getting a new flat mate once the lease is up. It’s up soon isn’t it? The thought makes his heart shake.

Robert shakes his head. “Why would you tell him?”

“Why didn’t you tell him?” Aaron blurts out, he keeps the bag close to his chest and frowns. “You could have dragged me down with ya but you didn’t and I want to know why.”

It’s been at the back of his mind for long enough.

Robert kicks the ground. “What would be the point of ruining your friendship?” It’s selfless, it makes Aaron’s knees practically go weak and he has to fight against the feeling.

“Well that’s all ruined now anyways so ... no one wins.” Aaron says flatly.

Robert holds his watch in his hand and flips it over. “I wasn’t just here for this.” He says, shoulders falling slightly. Aaron forgets how to speak for a second. “I was hoping that ...”

“Jamie won’t take you back.” Aaron says. “So there’s no point in that okay?” He blinks as he watches Robert look towards the ground and then he realises. “And if you think ... if you were here for me then you were wasting your time mate.”

Robert lifts his head up quickly. “Of course I wasn’t.” He’s bright red and he looks away quickly.

“Good. Because ... because ... I’ve been doing some thinking.” Aaron says. “And I don’t love you Robert. It was stupid of me to say that I did.” He doesn’t know who he’s trying to kid here but Robert clearly doesn’t believe a word of it.

“Yeah?” He’s almost teasing. Aaron stands taller and realises he needs to make it more clearer.

“It built up a bit and then we slept together and it was ... but I love Jamie. He’s my best friend and you don’t compare.” Aaron gulps hard, his eyes staring hard and Robert’s eyes flicker a little as if it’s sinking in.

“I don’t, do I?” Robert whispers. “Of course I don’t.” His face is suddenly red.

Aaron sniffs. “I shouldn’t have said I love you.” He says again. “Because I don’t.”

“Not enough anyway.”

That’s not what he’s trying to tell him.

“At all Robert!” He shouts. He watches Robert look away but he carries on. “Are you _thick_? I just said ...”

“You just said.” Robert says. “I heard.” He holds a hand up, and then fixes the watch to his wrist silently. “Thanks for this.” He says warily. “I should go.”

“Yeah. You should.” Aaron looks at his car and then sees that Robert has moved forward slightly. He leans and then leans back again like he’s come to his senses, or changed his mind, or something.

“Bye Aaron.” He says, in this really odd way. Aaron sees his chest expand, heat rise in his cheeks, a sudden startling calmness take over him and he nods. He has half a smile on his face. “You look after yourself yeah? Don’t ... don’t hate yourself too much.”

And he’s being kind as well. Aaron’s just told him he never really loved him, that he’s not worth it, and yet he still smiles?

Aaron watches him turn and walk away, keeps going. He finds himself wanting Robert to turn back, look at him again, maybe even toy with the idea of running into his arms or something daft. The thought makes him feel even more rotten than before.

But he doesn’t. Robert keeps walking and then turns the corner and disappears and Aaron stands there playing with his car keys until he hears the sound of feet nearby.

“That for my benefit?” He spins and sees Jamie standing there with his hands in his pockets. He looks taller, wiser, sadder.

“Jamie.” Aaron trips on his sentences and then decides to stop speaking altogether. “I was just getting my stuff.”

“And telling him you don’t love him.”

“You heard that?” Aaron whispers. Jamie nods and then he’s gulping thickly.

“Why lie?”

It makes Aaron’s heart thump. “I’m not.” He decides to say. “I love you more than —“

“Can’t compare those things.” Jamie snaps. “So don’t try and use me like that to get yourself out of the mess you’re in.”

Aaron rubs a hand across his face and sighs. “You have _every_ right to hate me ...”

“Cheers. I’ll take that on board.”

“But.” Aaron mouths wordlessly. “But I’m _sorry_. Okay? He’s gone. We won’t ever had to see him again, we can —“

“Forget?” Jamie asks. He scoffs and then shakes his head. “You know I probably will find someone who loves me one day. Who’s actually decent. But I’ll never forget this. I’ll never forget that you loved Robert, that the _first_ person you’ve ever said you love — left.”

He’s making it worse. He probably doesn’t know he is but it doesn’t matter. He’s right. Robert’s the first person he’s ever really, _properly_ loved.

Aaron’s voice wavers as he tries to speak. “He’s not worth it.” He says, and he tries to encourage himself into that thinking. He really tries.

“Worth what exactly?” Jamie frowns. “You threw our friendship in the bin the minute you ...”

“I can’t _help_ what I felt.” Aaron says suddenly. “Can’t help that I suddenly saw him differently. It didn’t just _happen_ either.”

“What was it like?” Jamie says. He leaves Aaron stunned for a second. “Not the sex. Falling for him.”

“Jamie.”

“No I want to know. What made you ruin us, how it happened.”

Aaron hasn’t got answers, it’s been days and Jamie’s clearly thought of a load of questions but he can only shrug. Then he thinks of watching over Robert in the hospital, thinks of feeling like he was going to collapse when they said he was in a coma.

“I hated him. Then I ...” Aaron gulps. “Then I hated him in a different way ‘cause I didn’t hate him at all.”

Jamie tells him to carry on.

“It was terrible okay?” Aaron snaps. “I was sleeping with randoms because I wanted him _out_ of my system. I didn’t _want_ to want him but I did.” He says. “And nothing helped. Not me being horrible to him. Not me being nice or — or shagging _Max_. _Nothing_.” He suddenly feels exhausted and then Jamie steps back a little. He waits at least half a second until he speaks again.

“When did you know?”

“Know what?”

“That you loved him?”

Aaron closes his eyes and then opens them again. “When I stood over his bed in the hospital.”

Jamie scowls. “Did it make you realise you couldn’t live without him?” He almost sounds like he’s teasing and Aaron feels like he’s been pulled back down to reality hard. He suddenly has to realise that he doesn’t get to sit here and think whimsical thoughts about Robert and how he fell in love with him.

They don’t get to be a love story.

“Jamie, please.”

“Happened before me then.” Jamie carries on bitterly. “Ain’t that funny, you fell in love with him before I ever did.”

Aron sniffs. “Well it’s done now anyway.”

“You two not riding off into the sunset then? Thought you would be by now.”

“I’d never do that to you.” Aaron says seriously. He watches Jamie’s face form a frown suddenly.

“Because you owe me that much?”

“Yeah.” Aaron says. “Because you’re my ...”

“You don’t owe me _anything_. Clearly.” Jamie fires and then he walks towards the flat. “We’re not mates anymore Aaron. So you can stop hiding behind that excuse.”

“It isn’t an excuse. Jamie, I’m begging ya, please. We can move past this.”

Jamie shakes his head. “If you really believe that, you’re even more deluded than I thought.”

Aaron watches him disappear. He doesn’t hang around. He gets in his car and drives back to Adam’s and wipes at his face roughly when he’s certain tears are going to start falling.

 

—

 

Adam comes in with a Chinese and Aaron’s not hungry. He’s too guilty to be hungry and yeah it’s so unlike him but he’s never felt like this before has he?

Only Adam sort of doesn’t want to take no for an answer, he pushes and shoves until they’re watching Die Hard and Aaron’s laughing at the way the subtitles are catching the words wrong.

He sighs harshly when Adam passes him another beer. “Why you being so nice to me?” He circles the can and then stops. “I don’t deserve it.”

Adam frowns. “At the end of the day, you just fell in love with the wrong bloke.” He shrugs. “I’m sorry for giving you a hard time.”

Aaron’s eyes flicker. “Don’t say sorry.” He cringes. “I’m the fuck up.”

Adam shrugs and then sips at his beer. “Yeah well you seem a lot brighter considering. I just thought I’d make sure you stay that way.”

Aaron half smiles, and then reaches for the remote to turn it up a bit. Then he pauses and frowns at Adam. “Wait, what do you mean by considering?”

Adam frowns. “Considering Robert.” He says, “Him leaving.”

Aaron’s eyes widen slightly. “What do you mean by leaving?” He almost whispers.

Adam looks awkwardly at Aaron and then sits up slowly. “As in, fancy London Town job offer he’s decided to take up. Do you not ...”

“How do you know?” Aaron suddenly stands, starts pacing the room a little and Robert explains how he saw him at some coffee shop in town with some woman, started giving him grief until he realised it was a job offer. “So he’s ... when?”

Adam shrugs. “Said he starts next week but he’s going down in a couple of days.”

“So two days?”

“Yeah. That’s a couple right?” Adam sighs. “Mate, I thought you knew. He said he’d seen ya.”

Aaron freezes around it and then gulps. “I said I didn’t love him.” He says suddenly.

“You did what?”

“I said he didn’t compare. He meant ... I said all this _stuff_.” Aaron runs a hand across his hair and shakes his head. “Stupid idiot.” He says to himself. “He’s going because of what we did.”

“Yeah. Both of you. He played his part.”

“He said goodbye.” Aaron whispers. “It sounded strange. He ... what if I hadn’t said all that?” He closes his eyes and then shakes his head again.

“Go and see him.”

Only that’s ridiculous. Only he can’t do that because —

 _Jamie_.

He explains as much and Adam tuts.

“Jamie’s not going to forgive you Aaron.” Adam snaps. “The sooner you realise that, the sooner —“

“What? Me and Robert jump into bed again?”

Adam pulls a face. “The sooner you get to be happy.”

Aaron stops dead. “I don’t deserve to be.” He whispers, and that’s what it boils down to. The thought of being happy whilst Jamie drowns in misery is enough to make his stomach churn. He wipes at his face and sighs. “It’s good. Robert going to London, it’s good.”

“You don’t mean that.” Adam says. “You _know_ you don’t. And if he came to see ya then maybe he wanted you to come with him. Or stop him. Or ...”

“Or nothing. Maybe he wanted to see Jamie.” Aaron shrugs. “Maybe he loves _him_. I can’t live off maybes. No, Robert’s made his decision —“

“Aaron —“

Aaron wipes his face again, he tries to hide how gutted he is. “He’s going and I’m forgetting.”

“Like it’s that easy. Aaron, you’re never going to get over him.” Adam says adamantly. Aaron closes his eyes around it, this effect Robert’s had on him. He knows deep down that he can’t imagine not feeling like this for the man. But maybe, just maybe he will one day.

The small chance pulses through him. “Of course I am.” He shrugs. “Because he’s _leaving_.” It says it all really. Robert _can_ leave because he doesn’t feel the way Aaron does.

Aaron needs to stop _wanting_ him to feel the same.

“And it’s for the best.” Aaron reasons quietly, almost entirely to himself. He tells himself to get a grip that night too, laying out in bed and holding the pillow towards him and wondering how much Robert has packed already. He thinks about the way he escaped to Ibiza and how little that helped.

He wonders if Robert is doing the same and then he wills himself not to even contemplate the idea.

He’s going.

He’s already gone.

He’s already left. 

 

—

 

 

He called in sick but Debbie didn’t buy it because she knows Finn and he’s not been discreet about how much of an arse Aaron’s been.

“Could you smile just a tad.”

“Coming from you?” Aaron frowns slightly and she pulls a face. “I said I’m sick.”

“Or hiding.”

“Hiding from what?”

Debbie has a folder against her chest and she scoffs. “Jamie’s boyfriend. That situation.”

He wonders if she’s told his mum. The thought makes him feel sick. She’d be disappointed in him and she’d tell Paddy and that would be worse.

“What — how do you ...”

“Finn. He came in looking for you, offered him a cuppa and he spilled his guts.” Debbie pulls this face again. “You really slept with his boyfriend?”

“Say it any louder I don’t think _Pearl_ heard you.” Aaron hisses.

“Take it you regretted it then?” He closes his eyes. “Oh. So you didn’t.” She makes this point of pulling this really awkward face and it makes him sigh. Right.”

“Can you just stop talking?”

“Fine.” Debbie turns away and Aaron tries not to think about what his family would think of him. He’s just grateful that Paddy’s away because his opinion seems to matter more than anyone else’s. She comes back an hour later and tells him to slope off home. “He’s leaving? Jamie’s boyfriend.”

Aaron closes his eyes. “Ex.”

Debbie holds at a file tightly and then tilts her head. “London apparently.” She’s talking about it like it’s nothing but idle flipping gossip and he hates it.

“How do you —“

“Just saw Adam. He said to keep an eye on you.”

“In case I have a break down?” Aaron scoffs. “Please.”

Debbie looks at him for a second. “That’s what I thought. We’re Dingles.” She shrugs and pats him on the back.

And apparently Dingles don’t cry at night over stupid men and even stupider what if’s.

 

—

 

He dares to go back to his own flat. Jamie’s not in and he wonders into his room, sits slowly on his bed. Jamie’s door is open and he looks at the shirt crumpled under his bed.

Blue, stripped. It’s Robert’s.

He stares at it for a second, wonders when exactly he’s leaving. Maybe he’ll come back for the shirt. The thought makes something rise in his chest and then he shakes his head and gets a grip.

He lays down on the bed and closes his eyes. He tries not to think and then he hears the lock in the door and sees Jamie standing there.

“Didn’t think you’d still be here.”

Aaron closes his eyes. He sees Robert getting on the train. “I do pay rent to live here you know.” He snaps. He opens his eyes to see that Jamie’s arms a crossed over.

“I meant with Robert going.”

“I’d what? Run away with him.” Aaron says. He shakes his head and then sighs. “How many times do I have to tell you that we’re nothing.”

“You told him that much yesterday didn’t you?”

“I know you want to hurt me but I could do without this right now.” Aaron’s voice is hardly there, his mind is filled with about a million different memories and they all home into that night.

Robert kisses down his neck gently, and then after, satisfied and soft, kissing at his back lightly.

“Because he didn’t ask you to go with him?” So Jamie’s bloody relentless then.

Aaron looks away. Then he finds his words. Finally.

“Because you know how I feel ... and he’s going.” He says, it’s not like he wants to have a conversation about this again, with Jamie of all people but that’s what’s happening apparently.

“Nothing is stopping you from pissing off. Trust me.” Jamie says.

And Aaron boils over.

“I _get_ it! I get that you hate me and he fucking hates me and I’ve ruined your fucking life and you’ll never trust anyone again!” Aaron practically jumps off the bed and shakes his head. “I _get_ it!” He slams the door shut and Jamie’s forced to jump back.

Aaron waits a whole hour until he comes out and sees that Jamie’s gone back to work. He’s grateful. He knows there’s another apology due there but what’s the point in trying now.

There’s too much water under that bridge.

And Robert’s.

Before he can get his thoughts in place hesees that there’s post under the door. He hadn’t seen it before and he just arches an eyebrow.

He doesn’t even give a shit, it’s probably tax related crap. He picks them all up and dumps them on the table and then he sees one that just says his name written simply.

He doesn’t allow himself to even think too deeply, just opens it, eyes flickering a little as he looks at the handwriting. He doesn’t recognise it but it just makes it more intriguing.

He sees that it’s hand written, and his heart starts beating faster.

Dear Aaron,

I suppose I’m a coward for putting this in a letter but I know that if I saw you, it would only make things worse. You’re a stroppy bastard but you’re also kind, you’re good, and that’s why I know you’d never want to hear what I had to say.

You never actually gave me a chance, never wanted to know how I felt and maybe that was easier but I can’t go without telling you.

The minute I saw you I felt something for you. It wasn’t hate, maybe it should have been but you were playing on your Xbox with Adam and you had your tongue sticking out in concentration or something. I knew I wanted us to be something but I convinced myself it had to only be mates. Then you scowled and hated me and I thought it was all ruined.

But then that night happened. It meant everything. It shouldn’t have; that night shouldn’t have been anything other than a drunken mistake but it wasn’t because it was with you. I didn’t regret it. But I had to, we both had to because it was wrong.

Jamie was everything I thought I needed, he would probably make my family really proud, think that I can hold down a relationship with a man after all. But he wasn’t you. He isn’t you. You’re who I want.

I know we can’t be together, I’m not stupid. And I know that you don’t feel that way for me anymore because Jamie’s always going to be more important. But I had to tell you, even if it was written down on some letter that you might not read.

Somehow, somewhere along the way: I fell in love with you.

And I’m sorry that I ruined things for you and Jamie. I never meant to.

Look after yourself, don’t be so grumpy.

Robert

X

Aaron holds the letter in his hands until they shake and he feels himself falling down against the sofa. He holds himself, and he tries not to cry.

It’s hard though, because this, it’s confirmation of what he’s been trying to avoid for so long.

It’s Robert confessing that he loves him.

He holds the letter, and sits exactly where he is until Jamie’s coming home and he screws it up in his hand. He puts in a ball and heads straight towards his room.

He reads it over and over again until he falls to sleep.

 

—

 

 

He’s running, he feels his heart thudding over and over again in his head and he can’t breathe. There’s no way he can breathe but he struggles through it.

There’s this massive clock, it’s ticking over in his mind and he closes his eyes. He tries to search out exactly who he’s looking for but it’s harder than he thought.

It’s harder because everyone suddenly has a leather jacket on. Everyone has blonde hair and everyone is tall and Aaron can only see the backs of their head’s. So it’s impossible.

“Rob.” He shouts, but it doesn’t come out as anything more than a faint whisper. It gets lost, it gets diluted. He feels lost until he sees him suddenly and he can’t see anything else anymore.

He sees Robert, bag over his shoulder and dark green jumper riding up as he bends down and then gets up again. He turns towards Aaron and smiles.

He actually smiles and Aaron runs towards him but just as quickly, Robert’s turning away.

And Aaron’s left shouting his name again.

 

—

 

He wakes with a start, he stretches up and pants a little as he realises that he’s dreamt of Robert leaving. He looks towards his phone and sees that he’s slept in, he realises that Debbie’s probably going to have his head on a stick but he decides to take him time.

He knows himself, more than he wants to. He knows that he’s shaken, knows that he’s going to hate himself for the majority of the day.

He closes his eyes, there’s a whimsical way he thinks when he stands in the shower and leans against the tiles. He goes over the letter again, he can’t think of anything else other than the letter until he’s got a towel around his waist and he’s staring in the mirror.

‘I love you.’

Because everything else blurs around it doesn’t it? It pales in comparison to what Robert has wrote. He’s written it down, he’s spent time, he’s been sensitive. He’s done more than enough hasn’t he?

More than enough to what? It’s what he’s trying to ignore when he stumbles out the shower and looks down at the letter again.

 

—

 

He keeps reading it, everything starts to almost blur over and over again until his

phone goes and it’s embarrassing how quickly he checks to see who it could be. He knows who he wants it to be.

He picks up before he can even register really and then realises that it’s his mum.

“Oh hiya love, Debbie said she let you go early.” He sighs as he hears her voice because although it’s full of warmth it’s also full of worry and it’s been a long time since he’s promised her he won’t be putting it there in her voice anymore.

He closes his eyes on instinct and tries to groan as silently as he can. He didn’t want her even knowing about this but he supposes its a small village and Finn has a rather large mouth. 

“Yeah she did.” He was being a mope, his head clearly somewhere else and Finn working in the village b&b and so staring angrily out the window wasn’t really ideal.

“Everything ... okay? You and Jamie ... good?”

He suddenly cowers under the weight of what she must know, she’s shielding bits of the truth so that he can fill her in only he doesn’t want to.

“Who told you?”

“No one told me anything.” Chas says quickly. “But maybe Emma was a bit annoyed in the pub about her Finn … and you ... messing him about or something. She mentioned Jamie’s fella.” Of course she did.

Aaron closes his eyes around it and gulps hard. There’s no point in even trying to get himself out of it now is there?

“You didn’t did ya?” She doesn’t exactly say you didn’t fuck nice Jamie’s boyfriend but she might as well and he nods a fraction before whispering down the line.

“Everything’s my fault.”

She somehow manages to blame Robert, she says that he sounds like a weasel and a cheat. She says he might have used him and it boils him over.

“It wasn’t like that! He’s kind ... he’s — he wouldn’t do that.” It’s weird, being able to speak freely, or being able to not have to lie and try to mean it. It sort of just flows out of him and he’s unable to control himself now ehh he doesn’t really need to.

There’s a long pause and Aaron waits with baited breath before his mum’s signature ‘you’ve fucked up’ line is spoken.

“Oh _love_.”

It gets tears in his eyes and he brushes them away quickly. “Don’t.” He says and he knows what she’s about to say, that she’s never heard him speak about any lad like that, that he must —

“You in love with him?”

He freezes around it and his silence says too much.

“Darling, Jamie will —“

“He hates me.” Aaron sniffs. “He hates me already so this — this would destroy him.” He can’t even imagine being happy with Robert, laughing and joking around the flat and playing on the Xbox before ripping his clothes off. He can’t because Jamie would probably be making voodoo dolls out of them in his bedroom. “It’s not worth it.”

It gets her scoffing. “That’s a big thing to decide.”

Aaron chews at his gum and thinks about how it sounds, he said it right to Robert’s face. He basically said he was worthless in the face of his friendship with Jamie or whatever Aaron could hold onto with Jamie. “Well I told him that, and anyway he’s uh ... he’s leaving.”

“Leaving?”

“London. Today.” Aaron explains, he tries to keep his voice as even as he can but something inside him trips and he has to shudder. His mum registers it all, he can practically hear her sadness down the line. 

“And you’re letting him go? Do you even know how _he_ feels?”

“It doesn’t even matter.”

“Of course it — you know what, do I need to get Pads on the line? He’s away but I’m sure he can spare ten minutes to teach you a thing or two.” Chas rabbits on and Aaron can only grimace. He doesn’t want Paddy being disappointed in him, he tells her as much and she suddenly stops. “No one’s disappointed in you love. We’ve all been there.”

Aaron stops, kicks at the side of the sofa. “What, slept with your best friend’s bloke?”

Chas sighs. “Fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have. It feels like that at first anyhow, and then it feels like it’s the only thing that _does_ make sense.” She says and his mouth twitches.

He goes to speak, shoulders relaxing a little and then he sees Jamie’s key in the lock

“I’ve got to go.”

“Darling ...”

“Bye mum.” He fumbles about, putting his phone down and grappling the letter in his head. He didn’t tell her anything about it because he knows that it would turn out to be this massive thing working in her favour.

“Thought you were at work.”

“I’m just going.” Aaron says as he rubs his eyes and stands. He watches as Jamie looks out towards the corridor and he pulls the letter down onto his bed. “And I’ll stay at Adam’s again don’t worry.”

Aaron moves past Jamie and gets into the living room, reaching for his coat as he goes. He doesn’t meet Jamie’s eyes until he sees him standing there with the letter.

Aaron’s heart rate peaks and he grabs the letter as quickly as he can, he can’t bring himself to ball it up again because the last time he did it, the paper nearly ripped. “That was meant fo the bin, I’ll burn it instead.” He says without even thinking.

“You don’t want to.” Jamie says, he has his head down and arms outstretched. “This says he loves ya.”

Aaron shakes his head, he looks outside and sees that it’s getting dark. It makes him feel on edge. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters.” Jamie snaps. “It’s always mattered.”

Aaron looks up. “You shouldn’t have read it.” He says bitterly, he sounds exhausted. It makes something start to build in his chest. “Why did you read it?”

“Because I had to.” Jamie says.

“To torture yourself.”

“Get over yourself.” Jamie scoffs. He suddenly looks so strong and brave and Aaron can’t help but envy him. “Needed to know if he felt the same as you.”

Aaron pulls a face, finds himself leaning further against the wall. “Doesn’t matter either way.”

“Stop lying. Haven’t you lied enough?” Jamie says boldly. “To me, to Robert, to yourself. Why don’t you stop being a coward and finally go after what you want.” He shouts and Aaron frowns suddenly.

He doesn’t understand what he’s even trying to say until he suddenly does. Only it doesn’t make any sense. Only it almost sounds like Jamie’s giving his blessing, wanting Aaron to go and find Robert.

“You heard me.” Jamie snaps, like he knows what Aaron’s thinking. “I don’t forgive ya but ...”

“I don’t deserve to be forgiven.”

“Maybe not. But you don’t deserve to be miserable your whole life.” 

Aaron goes to speak and Jamie shakes his head.

“And before you say that I’m being dramatic, that you’ll get over him soon, I know you. I know how you tick.” Jamie says. “He got under your skin. He’ll stick.”

Aaron closes his eyes. “Jamie ...”

“And you’ll be miserable. He’ll be gone and —“

Aaron closes his eyes. “It isn’t your problem. Like you said, we’re ...”

Jamie rolls his eyes. “Just shut up and listen to me.” Jamie pauses and then sighs. “You can’t just let him go.”

Aaron has tears in his eyes, they hover over his eye lashes and make his mouth fall slightly. “What do —“

“Should I spell it out for you?”

Aaron’s mouth gapes open slightly. “We hurt you.” Aaron says. He doesn’t understand, he just blinks quickly and his face reddens. “You _hate_ us and you should do so stop ... stop speaking.”

Jamie sits down slowly on the sofa and turns his head towards Aaron. “You’re right. You owe me right?”

Aaron nods. “Which is why I —“

“You’re letting him think you don’t love him, letting him go off to London and never come back. Well I don’t want that and you _do_ owe me.”

Aaron rubs at his face. “Not this. I couldn’t do that to you.”

“Do it for you.” Jamie shrugs like it means nothing and Aaron’s sure something has happened since they last spoke. Something has changed and Jamie’s so much braver.

“No.” Aaron blurts out. “I don’t want you hating me. I lose you ... if I choose him.”

“You’re choosing yourself Aaron. You can be a selfish heartless bastard but I know you’re sorry and you’ve never felt like this before.” Aaron closes his eyes around it. “Do you love him or not?”

Aaron’s eyes begin to flicker, they are almost uncontrollable and he twists his mouth a little as the weight of the words fill him up. “Of course I do.” He sees Jamie look away, clear his throat uncomfortably. “But I can’t do this ...”

“Stop being afraid Aaron.”

Aaron’s eyes widen as he speaks. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to breathe against what he’s saying. 

“That’s always been it really. You’re afraid of loving someone.”

“No I’m not.” Aaron shakes his head, tears in his eyes.

“You are.” Jamie nods. “It’s at the back of your mind, always has been. But you need to get a grip.” He says sternly. “Some good out of all this pain eh?”

“Jamie...”

He’s never deserved him.

“If it’s really true love, you’ll get him back before his train leaves.”

Aaron’s eyes are wide and they flicker as Jamie gets out the door and leaves him alone with his thoughts.

He suddenly doesn’t have to think anymore.

 

—

 

It’s five.

Aaron’s running.He’s running because he read the letter and Jamie nearly smiled at him and he couldn’t stop thinking about where he wants to be in a year.

Yeah he’s young, but he wants someone. Specifically, this dumb idiot that he’s not supposed to be in love with. He wants him, he wants more than that one night, he wants _years_. He wants him.

And maybe he is selfish, maybe he’s got something deadly wrong with him for running through town and screaming down the phone to Adam until he gets exactly when Robert’s train leaves.

But nonetheless, he does it. He does it all and ends up standing in the middle of the station just like he did in his dream.

He’s got a hand over his forehead, he’s so out of breath that he can’t even see straight and then he looks up at the board and sees where the platform is. He runs up the stairs, skips a couple of steps and nearly knocks over some old man in the process but he makes it.

He stands alone, eyes wide in search for Robert’s stupid leather jacket but he can’t see anything. He can Adam in his mind, telling him if he’s serious. He hears him say he’s never been more serious about anything in his life back. He hears it but then it starts to run away as the train approaches and a crowd of people start to pile on.

It takes over him, the way that he’s lost him. It s like he’s unable to do anything other than lean against the wall and collapse into himself.

Something makes him look up though, he sees a mop of messy blonde hair, he sees a soft pale face. He sees him. Aaron’s eyes flicker when he recognises his own purple hoodie and wonders how exactly he’s got it on him.

“Robert!” Aaron shouts, it’s on instinct really. He runs towards the idiot and Robert is startled into dropping his back and shuddering.

“What are you —“

“Don’t go.” Aaron says heavily. It’s the only thing he can think to saying. Robert looks towards the train and then back at Aaron. He looks so confused, so upset, he looks like he wants to run away. “Just hear me out, for a second.” Aaron’s hand snakes close to Robert’s and then pulls away.

Robert closes his eyes and the train disappears. Aaron’s shoulders instantly relax, knows he’s got time then. 

“I got your letter.” Aaron says and Robert staggers back until he’s sitting down and Aaron hovers over him a little. “I haven’t thought of anything else.”

“Wanted you to read it when I left.” Robert says awkwardly, he bites his lip and something inside Aaron collapses against how sad Robert looks.

Aaron’s eyes flicker. “Yeah I know.” His mouth twitches. “You didn’t ask me to come with ya so ...”

“Why would I?” Robert looks up suddenly. “I’m not stupid. I know what you said.” He closes his eyes again and then frowns. “You don’t love me Aaron.”

The idea makes Aaron almost want to laugh. He kneels down, pushes at Robert’s stupid knee. “You think so?

“I know.” Robert whispers gently, he shakes his head a little and he looks so convinced. “You were caught up in everything. Confused.” He blurts out, and it’s clear that he’s rehearsed all of this in his head, like he’s somehow at piece with it all.

Aaron shakes his head. “I wish I was. But I’m not. I’m not confused about the way I feel about you, how can I be?” His voice breaks a little, gives the whole game away really.

Robert gulps.

“You’re ...” Aaron holds at Robert’s knee. “You’re arrogant and annoying and a _nightmare_ and I ... I shouldn’t feel the way I do but I _do_. I love you.” He shakes his head and shrugs. “There. Do you hear that? I _love_ you. So you can’t go.”

Robert freezes. He doesn’t say anything and then he moves his hand gently towards Aaron’s. He lets it hover slightly and Aaron almost smiles before Robert leans away. “Jamie ...”

“Told me to not let you go.” Aaron says.

“So he’s the reason you’re here?” He knows how it sounds, it sounds a lot like he can’t make decisions for himself and it’s not the case at all.

Aaron blinks. “Bit.” He whispers. “He made me see sense which is wrong. I should have told you how I felt when you came to get your watch.”

Robert looks away. “You said you ...” he doesn’t finish any of it off, almost like he can’t bring himself to have to relive the words Aaron said to him.

“I lied.” Aaron says, he has tears in his eyes and he remembers all of it. He remembers being so angry at himself for the way Robert stared back at him. He looked completely crushed. “I hurt you. I’m sorry.”

Robert gulps again and he frowns, “Well we hurt ...”

Aaron shakes his head quickly because none of that matters right now. “I said you weren’t worth it but you are. You are because ... because I’ve _never_ loved anyone the way I love you. Not ever.” He holds his hand against Robert’s and squeezes as he sees the shock on the man’s face.

He blinks a little and this sudden blow hits his stomach. “Am I too late?” He whispers, he has this idea of Robert with someone else. He has that Donna in his head and she’s saying he’s never not in someone’s bed. He thinks of London, thinks of someone there already waiting for him.

Robert shakes his head, but Aaron’s stunned into this state of being unconvinced. He slides up from the floor, pats at his face a little and then starts backing away.

“I love you too.” Robert says after a few seconds. His voice sounds strong and so certain and Aaron is entirely too overwhelmed again. He feels like he’s floating or something.

It takes a second for Aaron to come back crouched on the ground, he lets out this small sound and then and then brings their foreheads together. Aaron’s crying and then he laughs and Robert laughs too. Their noses touch for a few seconds and then their mouths do and Aaron has his hands across Robert’s neck as he stays crouching in front of him.

When he pulls away, Robert is bright red and Aaron frowns. “You stole my hoodie.”

“Would it be really cheesy to say you stole my heart?” Robert whispers, a small smile on his face that falls as Aaron rolls his eyes and then strokes Robert’s knee again. “Just needed something ... of yours.” He sounds really serious. “You meant too much to just go without something.”

Aaron closes his eyes briefly and imagines him going, sitting on a train in his hoodie and being desperately alone. It makes him hold at him closer.

“I’d like it back.” Aaron says indignantly. “After I get you out of it.” He smirks a little and another train passes. He can see that Robert has a slight blush on his cheeks and he twists his lip slightly. “You’re not getting on that are you?” He whispers.

Robert gazes, has a hand against Aaron’s shoulder and he shakes his head slowly before dipping down and kissing at Aaron’s mouth again.

 

—

 

Aaron rolls over slowly, leans delicately over the covers and captures Robert’s mouth in his again. He keeps kissing him, over and over again until Robert pulls away and Aaron can see the darkness from the window.

They’ve ended up in some hotel, it’s hardly luxurious but it’s a bed and they’re alone. It’s enough for now.

Robert’s luggage is within his sight and Aaron’s hand which runs down Robert’s chest begins to halt. He suddenly finds himself deep in thought and he cannot escape it.

“I thought you’d really gone.” Aaron whispers, he remembers that feeling, almost like being punched right in the stomach or something. “I couldn’t find you.”

Robert doesn’t say anything, he just runs a hand right through Aaron’s hair and kisses. He finally lets out a sigh. “Might have been easier.”

Aaron looks up at him, chin against chin and a frown on his face. “Not for me.” He whispers, he reaches out and touches Robert’s face. “I would have gone mad without you here.”

Robert blinks, and Aaron realises how terrifyingly scary all this is. He feels almost overwhelmed with how exactly he feels about Robert and he dips his head against the older man’s chest, kissing lightly. 

“I didn’t expect this you know, that’s not why I left the letter.” Robert gets out, and Aaron nods his head a little.

“I know.” Aaron says. “But I couldn’t ignore it could I?”

“Thought you would.”

Aaron gets up on his knees and disturbs the way they were laying so softly. “You don’t get it do you?” He says, he sounds angry and Robert’s eyes widen as he reaches a hand out for Aaron.

“I do.” He says, only he sounds so overwhelmed by it. “You still ... after everything ... you chose me.” Robert bites his lip and Aaron melts around it, he reaches for Robert’s hand and allows himself to be dragged back down, to be kissed into oblivion again.

After oblivion, after a feeling of forever, Aaron realises that the guilt has seemed to subside in favour of the love he feels. It’s happened in this scarily easy way really.

He leans over again, this time to see Robert sitting up in the bed, away from him completely.

“Rob...” Aaron leans a hand out, stretches it as wide as he can over his lover’s freckled back.

“It’s not you.” Robert says in this small voice.

“What is it then?” Aaron asks so quickly that he almost cannot breathe, he sits up and lets the covers gather around his middle.

“I didn’t want to be a cheat again. Sort of wanted to turn my life around, be a good person.” Robert bites his lip and then turns his head so that he’s staring at Aaron. “And I screwed up.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything for a second or two and then he breathes out and shuffles closer towards Robert on the bed. “We didn’t mean for this to happen did we?” Robert shakes his head. “But I don’t regret it.”

“Neither do I.” Robert says. “Because I _love_  ya, I do. I just didn’t want to be _that_ person.”

“A bit of a nightmare?”

Robert nods.

Aaron holds his face shakily. “Well you’re my nightmare now. Weird or not weird. I love you for reasons and you love me for reasons and I’m done pretending.”

Robert smiles faintly. His eyes are so green. “Romantic.”

“Well we were sworn enemies a few months ago.” Aaron says and then his phone vibrates around them. He peers down and gulps slightly.

“Who is it?” Robert whispers, and Aaron sighs a little. There’s a sense of relief running through him as he sees the text.

“It’s from Jamie.”

Robert stiffens slightly around it, mouth twitching like he doesn’t know what he can say.

“He want our heads on a stick?”

Aaron blinks quickly, and then he leans down and kisses at Robert’s naked shoulder. “Says he’s going to France for two weeks, some work thing.” He bites his lip. “Says he hopes I found you, that we’re happy but it’s going to take some time to get used to it.”

Robert’s shoulders collapse a little and Aaron’s head tilts down with it.

“Of course it is.” Robert says, he brings Aaron’s hand down towards his and interlocks them. It makes Aaron blush a little and then Robert smirks shyly. “You’ve _both_ seen me naked.”

Aaron pulls away and laughs but Robert keeps their hands together. “You’ve has both of us.”

“No one else though.” Robert mumbles, his cheeks instantly redden under whatever he’s tried to get out and Aaron suddenly feels hot. He gulps hard around it, bites his lip.

“You mean that?”

Robert shudders, and then he leans forward and kisses Aaron again. “What do you think?”

Aaron blinks. “Never really wanted to know what you thought did I?”

Robert breathes out and rolls his eyes. “You’re telling me.” He teases, and then he has a hand across Aaron’s chest. “You’re forced to hear it all now though, first that stupid letter and now.” He dips his head a little and then smiles. “I just want you.” He shrugs.

Aaron’s suddenly hit with this wave, this realisation of just how easy everything is, how uncomplicated it all turns out to be.

He lets out this small sound, feels his ears turn red and then he kisses him again.

“We’re going to drive each other crazy.” Robert says, he’s pulled Aaron down under the covers again and he’s drawing out letters on his arm.

“I’m going to seriously piss you off.” Aaron counters.

Robert laughs a little. “You already do.”

“Cheers.”

Robert buries his head into Aaron’s neck and makes the younger man squeal a little and he feels like a little child, like none of this is real. Only Robert stares at him so seriously suddenly and he realises. “But I don’t want to leave ya.”

Aaron nods. “Sort of why I ran all the way to find you.”

“Pretty dramatic.” Robert says, elbows up now as he leans over Aaron.

“Says the idiot who left a love letter for me? Aaron teases, arches an eyebrow as he speaks and Robert turns bright red.

“So what now?” Robert asks, his eyes are wide and filled with love and Aaron allows himself to see it for once. He allows himself to see Jamie thawing eventually, maybe even getting his leg over with nice _Finn_.

He allows himself to see Robert and him laughing, playing stupid video games and distracting each other with kisses. Showers together, rolling around in bed and not having to be drunk to want each other and admit it.

He takes Robert’s hand and sees himself tugging at Robert’s tie and kissing him in the middle of the street without Jamie’s sadness there, his mum and Paddy eventually being charmed into loving him too. He sees himself trying not to thump Andy as he tells him that his brother is a good man. He sees that working out, them both growing up.

It’s because he’s allowed himself to a future with someone, with _Robert_ , a future where they shout and scream and drive each other mad for years. A future filled with love and laughter and building a life together.

A life.

“We be happy.” He feels it, it’s deep and blooming inside him and he doesn’t ever want the feeling to die. He suddenly thinks about his mum being proud of him for finally letting the feeling in.

Robert’s face lights up, it’s clear that he likes the sound of it by the way he pulls Aaron down again, swoops in for a kiss and Aaron can only think about the next two weeks now.

Maybe a proper honeymoon period.

“That sounds good.” Robert whispers, and Aaron just kisses him back tenderly. Small circles, smaller touches, wide smiles.

When Robert eventually pulls away, slides down against Aaron’s naked frame, Aaron breathes out against the love he feels because he knows it’ll be okay. Eventually. With _Robert_.

It _still_ makes him laugh a little as he thinks about it all these years later.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I didn’t disappoint ...
> 
> Thank you to everyone for leaving a lovely comment on here or on tumblr (littlelooneyluna) or just leaving kudos on this fic. It started off as a little idea and really did blossom into something big and I’m so glad that so many people have enjoyed it.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought if you have the time!


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